Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Reviews The Tits, Jesus Says Relax
Posted by Seth Graves on Tue, May 5, 2009 at 10:00 AM
Rock 'n' Roll Is Dead. Well, not really, but I think that's something people say when they want to come across bold and profound while complaining that modern music sucks. I say "Rock 'n' Roll Is Dead" is dead. That is to say, rock 'n' roll is fine and that hackneyed declaration probably expired awhile back. Sure, counterculture hardly counters anything anymore and smashing your guitar only proves you have more money than street cred. Rock 'n' roll bands are now more like cheeseburgers, football teams and high-top sneakers: yeah, some are better than others, but all have become a staple of American culture and will always be in demand by Democracy. You can dress them up all you want, but to improve on their fundamentals is unnecessary. The formula is perfected, all we can do now is maintain the legacy.
On their debut full-length Jesus Says Relax, The Tits haven't created anything new or renewed anything old. They simply saw a void in Nashville's slowly expanding musical orbit and filled it with hot noise and bodily fluids. While still shy of literally covering the stage in blood and piss, The Tits still bring it louder and truer to the primal spirit of proto-punk than any other known working Nashville band at the time of this writing.
This is another fine product from the Battletapes studio, and producer Jeremy Ferguson has crafted a blistering, full-flavored sonic spectrum that captures well the strength and essence of The Tits' live show, adding up to a nine-song, 19-minute assault of vulgar power anthems with thick, meaty riffs and scalding hot leads that sound like Slash and Cheetah Chrome trying to sink each other's battleships.
If hipster pretense or political subtext is a turn-off for you, fear not. To even pretend to give a fuck about anything would destroy everything this band is about. The only statement The Tits want to make is that their genitals outsize those of your personal savior ("Bigger Than Jesus") and that they long to use said genitals to sodomize snakes ("Cobraphilia") as well as other creatures ("In Through the Outdoor", "I Like it Raw", "Gimmie Some Action")--although, they'd rather you not reciprocate those touches ("Hands to Yourself"). They also love rock 'n' roll ("All I Do is Rock 'n' Roll") and want you to love it too ("Get Up!", "Move").
For those who remain skeptical, The Tits offer a transaction that's 100% risk-free: They're giving it away. The first 1000 hard copies of Jesus Says Relax are available from the band at no charge, starting at their CD release show Thursday night at The Basement. Like football, Relax plays by the very rules that make it the rugged, barbaric sport it is. Like a cheeseburger, daily consumption may take years off your life, and like high-top sneakers, it gets a little more comfortable after every use.
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Not to quibble with pointless details, but if "rock'n'roll is dead" is dead, it's not half as dead as rock'n'roll is. And judging by the rest of the above details, it's lucky as hell not to be around to see rock'n'roll necrophiliacs The Tits.
Hey, knuckle-draggers, if you're going to be really, really dumb (and you are), it's best to play your guitars LOUDER and then shout incomprehensibly over the top of them. Lyrics that reference Jesus' anatomy and Snakes On A Plane? I nearly fucked my computer trying to get that stupid shit to stop playing. If the rest of it is that bad, good luck giving away those 1000 copies.
Technically, this started sometime last week. You can already pick up copies of the album at Grimey's and Reverbmedia on Belmont. I think The Groove has a box too.
"The Tits still bring it louder and truer to the primal spirit of proto-punk than any other known working Nashville band at the time of this writing."
Really? Hmm.
"Butt Rock is Back", "Andrew J", "Mark P" and "Nigel", all you guys should go download the whole record for free at www.thetitsmusic.com
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The TITS
If I can type "fucking shit piss cocksucker tits," they should be able to post that song uncensored. The FCC doesn't care about blogs or alt-weeklies. Weird.
Yeah..it’s true this isn’t reinventing the wheel but it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be. It’s simple rock n roll and it’s something you can go out, get drunk and then scream along to. There have been a lot of bands who have gotten pretty far with the same sort of aesthetic and with a lot less personality. I think if you don’t get it, then you don’t get it. And I think if you get really angry about how dumb you think it is, the joke is on you.
I heard that these guys got an offer from a record label. I guess not everyone thinks they suck..
The haters are out in full force today...Wow...I love the c.d. I love the name. You guys are awesome. If people are offended then you must be doing something right. Love you guys!!
I have nothing against their gestalt, in fact I embrace and encourage it-- the world needs more riff rock besides just AC/DC and Fu Manchu, in my opinion. My distaste was with the article describing them as the only band in Nashville that plays loud, wild rock music. That's just not true.
Mark P., I don't think the article said they were the only ones, just that they were doing it "louder and truer." Not that that makes it any less debatable.
Yeah, and I don't want to discourage guitar-heavy bands in this town-- we need more of them! I have heard much louder though...and less contrived (sorry guys, it's a bit more schtick-y than I like...keep going though, what the hell...)
Andrew J, I have a friend who works at Grimey's (where The Tits' CD has been available for less than a week) and she told me they've already had to re-stock the record three times due to demand. I don't think they need any luck getting rid of them.
I see you shittin' on bands all over this blog(The Tits, CTE, etc). If you know so much about rock and roll, why don't you start your own band instead of talkin' so much?
Sir, your sarcasm and venom betrays the false confidence you're so desperately trying to portray. Get a life. The Tits may not have made Sgt. Pepper's for the new millenium, but its a damn fine record.
Ah, finally gettin' good!
Listen Brainiac-- I already said I applaud The Tits for attempting loud riff rock, I just don't care for their particular brand of it for MY OWN listening pleasure. If you want to buy them beers then PLEASE, continue to do so. They can make 50 albums if they want! I hope they enjoy themselves!
As for Cage The Elephant, I simply find them to be unlistenable. I'm not sure that I can sugercoat it in any other way for you. I'M SORRY!
Trust me, I'm WAY older than you, I have heard MANY more rockin' records than you could possibly ever steal from the internet, and I am a MUCH bigger asshole than you could even attempt to be no matter how tightly you squeeze your stupid old man hat down onto your head!
This IS fun though, so keep going if you like.
"ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i came up with a better hook while passing time on the cross"
YAY!
we've found someone else to argue about now that BrookVegan has fallen in love with J The Brotherhood (which makes them mainstream?) and Meemaw broke up again. and again.
The Tits suck!
JEFF is Jesus X2
The Features are old.
No one likes my band!
The Tits rule.
Cage The Elephant hates us.
nothing is they are so totally yes! ORIGINAL
heard it all before but not like this, exactly.
be your own pet and Kings of Leon got married and they dis-invited john Rich to their wedding. But Jack (new band/label!) and Jamin and Jonas and Jaron and Jake and Jamey Johnson and Jemina and Jessica got drunk and played the same Kyle Andrews song over and over til the power went out.
Then the Tits reinvented everything for everybody unless you don't think so because you weren't there to see it.
New single on Tuesday. Let's argue about it Wednesday.
Louder and Truer,
SJ
I completely resent the idea that people who don't like this band just can't appreciate the simplicity or the primal, visceral element. I happen to think that a band that "sound like Slash and Cheetah Chrome trying to sink each other's battleships" isn't exactly all that primal. Self-indulgent, maybe. But thanks for pointing this out, because now I finally realize why I get so fucking angry when somebody brings up the Tits lately. It's not so much the band. It's never really been the band. It's the idea that they're somehow untouchable because I'm just being pretentious. I have a perfectly reasonable reason to judge the Tits by their music, and I say I don't like it. I like Guns N Roses and the Dead Boys, as well as AC/DC, Radio Birdman, Rocket from the Tombs, and dozens of other bands in the vein; don't like the Tits. Simple as that.
Wouldn't "tits on a bull" be a more fitting name for this band? Isn't that the metaphor used for things that are useless?
It's tits on a BOAR, damn you, BOAR!
I've never been so insulted...
I've got a meeting to meet someone at a china shop, GOOD DAY!
Thick, meaty riffs?? And scalding hot leads?? The Cream is trying sooo hard to make something out of nothing. It'd be nice to hear some thick, meaty riffs that didn't involve a blues progression. Name one Dead Boys song where they straight up use a I-IV-V riff?? The two Tits songs i've heard use just this formula...BORRRIINNNGGG!!!!!!!
and the scalding hot leads sound like weak attempts at being James Williamson or something, but w/o the real intensity or inventiveness. james williamson broke out of the pentatonic box from time to time,too, THANK GOD!!!
and the song titles are so close to existing
song titles and lyric ideas. "gimmie some action"...sounds like a combination rip-off of the Stooges and the Flamin' Groovies.
Did the Tit's buy the 'How to be a bad 70's punk rip-off band' kit at Hot Topic? They wear it like a badly fitting MC5 shirt.
These guys could be good, if they started striving for originality and left the aping behind. This is Music city; we know about more kinds of music than just country.
Maybe the Tits thought, when they moved here, that they were the only ones who'd heard of (insert legendary punk rock band).
Is it a marriage of convenience that the Cream is so supportive of this band? You pat my back, i'll pat yours?
So, I'm sitting here and reading these comments and one thing comes to mind: Will you people just grow the fuck up?
Now that the Tits' balls are out of the reviewers mouth for a moment, I'd just like to say I've heard them live and I believe the same music could be made by slapping the same balls against a guitar, repeatedly. Just sayin.
These guys sure do elicite a response.
I wonder how many of these people have heard the record and how many of these people just live locked up in a closet with a computer and hand lotion.
I haven't heard The Tits music but I definitely want to after hearing all this complaining.
This blog should feature its responses as "The Crybaby Comment section"
The sad thing is buckcherry is more creative than this shit.Good luck with gettin that record deal.
What the Nashville music scene needs:
More - 84001
Less - every band listed in the this thread.
Wow, bunch of fucking idiots. EVERYTHING HAS BEEN DONE IN ROCK MUSIC. So, shut the fuck up and enjoy what you do...unless you are in a band that just trys to market yourselves like Kings of Leon. If that is the case, BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT.
It's too bad that anytime someone doesn't like the band du jour, they get attacked by all the Cream writers and the various regular commentators. sure, aesthetics isn't a black and white issue, but when people express their dislike, it doesn't mean 1) they are cry babies, 2) they are having a case of sour grapes, 3) they think their own band is better, 4) they're introverted weirdos, 5) they refuse to grow up, or) that they are betraying false confidence or whatever. It simply means they have a different opinion, which is just as valid as any expressed anywhere on this blog. Not everything is GREAT, so it's possible that the Tits falls into the
"not great" category. Pretty simple.
All I can add is once you decide to become popular and want to play the Basement and want Nashville Scene to write about your band PEOPLE will hate you. I just want to advise people in bands to just not want to be popular. Nashville just wants to hate your band. Fuck Nashville and their music scene. I've been boycotting this scene for years now. JUST play outside of NASHVILLE. Everyone in Nashville thinks they know everything about music. They just need to shut their fucking hipster mouths. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!
Saw these dudes at Mercy one time. Thought they were a cover band at first (they played an MC5 song), but then I realized they were a joke band. So what's the big deal? Isn't a joke band allowed to be shitty?
@voice of dissent,you totally nailed it whoever you are!You aren't allowed to like or dislike anything different than the writers of this blog or they just call you a baby or hater.Seems like the scene would want the open minded representing them on their blog.
i've always found it funny the chain of tolerance around here:
you're black? right on, man. How 'bout that Obama?
you're gay? i've got no problem with that. Ever hang out at Play?
you're an Iraqi and former torturer for the Republican Guard? that's cool, can you help us get off this spooky island?
you like a rock n roll CD that i don't particularly care for? FUCK YOU, you terrorist fag!! everything you stand for is SHIT!
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