After watching the video posted above, I can now say with unequivocal certainty that I'm a believer in capital punishment. Tuesday night was "Opry Night" on "American Idol," which featured contestants taking on country classics. As if it isn't bad enough for us to witness the ceaseless bastardization of country music that transpires on a daily basis in our fair city, "American Idol" has done us the service of allowing this Hot-Topified turd, Adam Lambert, to corpse-rape Johnny Cash before our very eyes with this deplorably audacious adaptation of "Ring of Fire," which sounds like Jeff Buckley fronting A Perfect Circle.
When I first watched this I was in hysterics, but now that I've had this guy's caterwauling stuck in my head for the last 20 minutes, I just want him to die...in a ring of fire. Simon Cowell's post-performance commentary includes a line about people in Nashville throwing their TVs out the window after watching this, so be sure your monitor is chained to the wall before clicking play. Lambert is obviously a remarkably talented vocalist. But fuck him. This is a travesty.
(Special thanks to Laura the intern for the scoop!)