Have I told you guys how much I love the Internet? I love it. Love it all. I love the MyLittlePonyBuiltMyHotRod guy, I love the Next Generation remixes and I especially love FuckThatBand.com. Granted, I have no idea who most these bands are, but I guess "the kids" like 'em and, as we all know, "the kids" usually have pretty bad taste. People complain about Cream writers never saying anything nice, but damn do the authors of FuckThatBand.com keep the bile flowing! For example, note the keen insight sewn into the fabric of this paragraph:
I'm not sure if I want to start ice skating or not. Will my boner get frost bite on it? Will the blade of my ice skates "accidentally" cut my wrists cuz im so EMO? Will my lips be too chapped to sing along to all my fav Katy Perry songs? Should I just man the fuck up and lick my lips whenever they get chapped? Should I just use the whole "licking my lips thing" as a substitute for regular chapstick? That doesn't make your lips feel like shit, does it?
Or the simple elegance in this little aside:
P.S. H8 the music Matt and Kim make soo0o0o much. H8 having fun. H8 bands with only two people in them. H8 Brooklyn. H8 Hipsters. Hate da party scene. H8 emo glasses. H8 American apparel. H8 t mobile. H8 sidekicks. Are we human? Or are we dancer? H8 "the city." H8 music.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the future of music criticism. Forget your Richard Meltzers and your Lester Bangses with their Tangerine Dreams and their fancy "literary theories" and their quaaludes--they're so 20th century I'm embarassed to even acknowledge them as influences. TEH INTERWEBZ RULZ!!! DEMI LEVATO 4 PREZ 4 EVA!!!!
More shining examples of contemporary criticism after the jump.
OK, folks: Now it's your turn. Make some vicious JPEGs and post the links in the comments.