Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dave Matthews (a.k.a. "Dave") and His Band (a.k.a. DMB) to Play Vanderbilt Stadium Apr. 25

Posted By on Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 12:57 PM

click to enlarge DevilMatthewsBand.jpg

You know, sometimes the tendency for big artists to skip Nashville on their arena and stadium tours is a good thing. Take for example the Dave Matthews Band. They've only been here a handfull of times in the last decade, meaning they've skipped us on the majority of the gajillion tours that never seem to stop. For 10 years we've mostly been spared the cataclysm of bow-legged hacky-sack dancing, inharmonious throaty vocals that sound as if they're coming from a man with a particularly traumatized scrotum, 17-minute insufferable versions of "All Along the Watchtower," date-rape anthems, splash cymbals, seven-string stained fretless basses and popped-collar Lacoste shirts that comprise a DMB show.

Unfortunately, 2009 is not shaping up to be a DMB-free year for us as it was just announced that the band's Spring tour will include an Apr. 25th appearance at the Vandy football stadium. I live pretty close to the stadium. Close enough to where I can hear their marching band on game nights and get stuck in their post-game traffic. If I can hear that then I'll definitely be able to hear this, and every time I hear Dave Matthews a part of me dies. I don't wanna die.

If you read my last post then you know I'm not a big Phish fan, but at least with Phish I can't even name one of their songs or conjure up one of their melodies in my head--and no, it's not because I haven't heard them, it's because of the utter fogettability of the songs themselves. All I ever retain from hearing them is the overall sense of meandering white-boy featherweight fusion and faux-whimsicality that hits me like sonic chloroform.

The Dave Matthews Band, on the other hand, are a jam band with hits. That's way more dangerous. That means I have to hear them at the grocery store, the gas station and any other place I find myself taking care of life's mundane neccessities. But not my house. Fuck that! I'm thinking about starting a petition to keep this concert from happening, or winning the lottery so I can just buy up all the tickets, which go on sale (nevermind, I'm not going to even tell you), like a mega-church does for a Marilyn Manson concert. Not in my backyard!

Don't even try to defend "Dave." You're just going to embarrass and identify yourself as a soul-needer. Scientologists have a ridiculous belief system that recognizes "thetans" as these dead souls that manifest themselves as bad vibes that inhabit human beings and are the root cause of depression, listlessness etc.... I don't believe that garbage, but I do think that bad music works in a way similar. DMB will eat away at your soul. It will cause you to lose friends. I know this because I lived in Boston, which has probably the highest concentration of frat-boy meatheads in the country. I would look into the dead eyes of DMB fans--which would leave only a single tear in my own, like the Indian from the commercial in the '70s. Don't go!

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