Thursday, December 11, 2008
Whatevs Killing Me Softly: When Music Is a Boner-Shrinker
Posted by Steve Haruch on Thu, Dec 11, 2008 at 10:59 AM
Photo by Mr. Mark.
A few of us Cream types were out talking over some beers the other night, and we had a laugh revisiting some of those awkward, indelible times in our lives when bad music reared its ugly head in situations where it was unexpected, unwelcome (obviously) and totally mood-altering (in the bad way). Situations where otherwise it looked like we might be, y'know, gettin' some.
Of course, not everyone's all High Fidelity about whether someone else's musical taste is an absolute determining factor in their attractiveness. (Not even us, for the most part. Well, maybe Gold.) But we all have our limits. And we've all had those moments that are the real-life equivalent of that record-scraping-the-needle sound in a bad comedy--in short, moments where music is a total boner-shrinker.
I'll give an example. I had been set up by a friend with a girl who seemed pretty cool. She had just come back from a Peace Corps assignment in Nepal or somewhere far, far away, so she had that well-traveled air about her which can be pretty attractive. World travel plus some measure of altruism is, I think, pretty hot. Plus, she was smart and had a cute pixie-ish haircut and all that. Now, granted, our dinner conversation was pretty awkward, and we weren't really connecting, but we had just met, so I was willing to roll with it because, to be honest, I was pretty desperate at the time. And like I said, she was cute and nice and came with a stamp of approval from a mutual friend.
So, we go back to her place, which is kinda frilly for my taste, but again, no deal-breaker. I know that she knows that I'm "into music," as my friend had told her, so I guess that's making her nervous about what to put on the stereo. Real nervous. "Do you want to listen to some music?" she asks.
"Sure."
"What do you wanna listen to?"
"Uh, I mean, whatever's cool."
"Do you...like, is there anything you want to hear? I mean, uh, what kind of music do you like?"
"I have pretty wide...I mean, I like lots of different kinds of stuff, y'know...whatever. Really."
"But what do you want to...uh...do you like jazz?"
"Yeah, sure. I like jazz."
"OK, I'll put on some jazz."
She gets up, walks over to the stereo and puts on a CD. Immediately, something seems off. First of all, this is not jazz music, as I understand it. I get a sick feeling in my throat. Is this Spiro Gyra? Or John Tesh trying to be funky? She hands me the CD.
It's Pat Metheny.
I don't think of myself as a music snob, as a rule, at least not in the sense that I like or dislike people solely based on their musical taste. But damn. She probably could have unbuttoned her blouse and pulled out two rotten cabbages and I'd be more into her than I am at this moment. My mind is racing: "Pat Metheny? Pat fucking Metheny? Who listens to Pat Metheny? Who thinks fucking Pat Metheny plays jazz? Is this really happening?" I probably look at the door the way a rabid dog looks at a steak that's been dropped on the ground. I know I come up with an incredibly lame excuse for having to leave. But I have to leave.
I know you've got stories, Creamers.
Comments (13)
Showing 1-13 of 13
I got into my husband's car for the first time, and when he started the engine, Black Flag blared out of the speakers, and I was in love.
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I once went out with a guy who said he didn't like Pere Ubu!! I was like, that's so crazy.
I once went out with a girl who owned every Christina Aguilera album... even the spanish one. So obviously I'm not very discriminating in this department.
I (quite happily) surrendered my V Card to a young lady who intensely enjoyed both The Spill Canvas and Say Anything. But those were different times. We were all just looking to bury our bones back then.
The first time I got in my future-wife's car, she was listening to Dashboard Confessional. I almost broke it off right there and then...I obviously didn't, but I thought about it.
I had a similar experience with a young lady recently. We get in the car and Ricky Young's music (nice dude though he is!) totally killed the vibe. Heartfelt acoustic ballads make me a little queasy.
The premise that pat metheny doesn't play jazz is just stupid. ever heard 'question and answer' or ornette coleman's 'song x' and the list could go on and on. I'd much prefer pat metheny to kenny g., and there is a BIG difference.
also, i've heard some pere ubu that SUCKS. to categorically think that b/c someone doesn't like Pere Ubu, they're lame is also just stupid.
in other words, pat metheny has played with some of the legends of jazz, playing JAZZ, and pere ubu, as much as you don't want to admit it, can write a bad song.
to base the success of a potential relationship on the kind of music someone likes is just stupid.
this is a stupid blog entry!!!!!!!!
I'd much prefer pat metheny to kenny g.
And I'd prefer getting kicked in the balls to getting kicked in the balls 20 times.
Darrin, Patrick, you are obviously pigs.
Sean, your wife is from the future? That is awesome.
I don't think I've ever heard a Pere Ubu song I didn't like, even the crappy ones.
Steve: Ya, it's a weird Quantum Leap sorta situation. She's actually just a sassy hologram.
Wow Emily, I'm impressed that there's a female out there that actually like Pere Ubu.
Hey Steve-I have friends like you that detest Pat Metheny's music-all of it.When I was a kid growing through my adolescence (13 to 18) and into early adulthood I listened to quite a diverse range of music ( Nektar, The Who, early genitals-sorry i mean Genesis, Camel, Soft machine with Allan Holdsworth, Frank Zappa and the Mothers... {Live at Filmore East, We're only in it for the Money},The Sex Pistols,Nina Hagen, Nash The Slash, King Sunny Ade' and his African Beats, Chief Commander Ebenezer Obey and His Intereformers Band, The Mavericks, Johny Cash, Bob Dylan, Todd Rundgren{ the Nazz} and Utopia[ we graduated from the same High school a few years apart, 38 special, The Allman Brothers Band, Lyle Lovett,James Brown, Aretha Franklin, John Hartford, Marshall Crenshaw,NRBQ,,Patti Labelle and Roxy Music to name about 1/4 of live performances). I grew up outside Filth-adelphia, six blocks from the Tower theatre, so it was a quiet 20 minute walk from my folks house( back when you could smoke inside the venues) . I think the only genre I fail to groove with is Rap and Hip-Hop. I would never put it down or say negative shit about it-although I don't dig the demeaning of women. When I was younger and heard parents and older people of my generation vehemently criticize music, I saw it as a form of closed minded intolerance,indicative of the chronic effluent you hear coming from various groups that don't understand the concept of change.
What does this have to do with Pat Metheny? He's my favorite- and he admitted in a video interview I have that alot of what he plays is not straight ahead Jazz. His music requires one to pay attention, not have playing in the background. and most music today is written and produced for quick recognition and instant satisfaction. Now there's nothing wrong with that development in music( we went through a cycle like that with 45's oriented hits. I Identify with Metheny in his Trio Performances, Metheny Mehldau Quartet, and one special DVD- Jack Dejohnette, Dave Holland Pat Metheny and Herbie Hancock (from the Mellon Jazz Fest) .
You know Steve I'm not some Birkenstock wearing, Volvo driving, granola eating Peace Corp promoting, left,center or right winger- Libertarian. Today I dig music form Dream Theatre("Falling into Infinity'), Miles Davis("Four and More"), Oysterhead, Coldplay, and this new release of "TheWidth of A Circle", from live at Santa Monica 1972. I'm not a Bowie fanatic but Mick Ronson tears it up, as well as Trevor Bolder (bass),and Mick "Woody" Woodmansey (drums).
So hardcorp6 listens to Metheny and a ton of other stuff including jazz, but no white wine and fern bar shit like Spiro Gyra, Kenny G, or the Rippingtons. thanks and keep printing what you think
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