Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Attention Shoplifters of the World: The Groove to Have Storewide Sale Thanksgiving Weekend

Posted By on Tue, Nov 25, 2008 at 12:59 PM

click to enlarge josh_groban_lean.jpg


So according to an email I just received, The Groove Records in East Nashville is about to get in on some Black Friday shit with a sale this weekend.
Everything in the store will be on sale! All new merchandise will be 10% off and all used merchandise will be 20% off. You'll be sure to find something for every music lover on your list (including yourself, because you deserve it!) -- and for those who are near impossible to shop for, we have give certifcates too!!
This really does sound like a one-stop shopping opportunity to fulfull all your holiday gift needs. You can pick up some MGMT for your girlfriend, some Clapton or Winwood for the pops, maybe a 180-gram copy of Marquee Moon to treat yourself or a copy of Josh Groban's newest Awake Live for the future mother-in-law that you're about to meet for the first time.

Speaking of Josh Groban--J-Gro as I call him--I'm tired of this guy making me look bad. He's the boy that every Jewish mother this side of Neil Diamond wants their daughter to bring home. Quite the class act, he sings Opera (or something), he's clean cut and look at those eyes--how the fuck am I supposed to contend with that? He might raise you up, but he sure as hell lowers my overall morale. He's sort of like the lost, marginally talented, Friends castmate. And don't attack me for undermining his talent as a vocalist. I know plenty of people who can sing but aren't waist deep in ass while simultaneously charming the hot flashes off every post-menopausal cougar that you'll see at Macy's this weekend. If this demographic is starting to sound unappealing to you, then I'm willing to bet you can avoid it altogether by going to The Groove this weekend and dropping your cash there.

To see J-Gro in one of the lowest cultural ebbs in recent memory, check out this video of him singing a medley of TV show themes at the 2008 Emmy Awards. It will make you laugh, cry and break your will to go on. It will suck the soul right out of you. In the words of my esteemed colleague Jim Ridley, "You haven't lived until you've seen him sing the South Park theme"--which happens at the 1:28 mark. It's enough to make you want a gun for Christmas. Happy Holidays!

-Gold


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