Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Creamtastic G.G. Allin Uber Alles: My Awesome Ideas for Rock Band Expansion Packs
Posted by Sean Maloney on Wed, Nov 19, 2008 at 6:46 AM
In it's infinite wisdom, the entertainment industry has decided to shit all over the legacy yet another one of my most treasured childhood memories. That's right, folks there's gonna be a Dead Kennedys expansion pack for Rock Band. Without getting all Maximum Rock N Roll here, I just sorta find it disturbing that these pioneers of the D.I.Y. music ethic are licensing their songs to the least D.I.Y. enterprise in the world. That being said, this is the first time I've actually been interested in pretending that I'm a musician for the sake of "entertainment." (Well, the second time if you count that night I got really drunk and kept telling girls that I was John Cafferty and I was looking for "the Beaver Brown Band." But let's not count that. It was a low point in a rather low life.)
My abject horror at the thought of my precious DK selling waaaaaay the fuck out got me thinkin': Maybe if the folks behind Rock Band started offering less schmaltz and more art, I could finally jump on this fuckin' bandwagon. So here are the expansion packs that I want to see:
Sun Ra Arkestra: Includes 37 extra instruments so your friends can play too.G.G. Allin: Extra points if you can shit in the mouth of your biggest fan.
The Shaggs: I don't know if this would be really hard or really easy, but either way it would be really awesome.
Lou Reed: Metal Machine Music: Includes a pair of jumper cables for extra-tough "electroshock therapy" level.
John Cage: Sadly, someone beat me to this gag. (See above.)
Girl Talk: Sure you only press one button, but it comes with collapsible stage!
Daniel Johnston: Obviously, this one needs the vibrating controller to be truly realistic.
The Red Krayola: They're only going to make 15 copies of this one, but everybody that plays it will start a band that only record critics listen to.
John Rich: This is actually an idea for an entirely different game called Punch the Douche, but hey!
So who do you think should get their own video game?
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At The Cannery last night, there was a Honda hatchback w/ ground fx and a huge plasma screen in the back parked right outside the front door(?). Behind it I swear there was a guy playing Rock Band drums to an Interpol song. Am I insane? Interpol is/was that popular?
Anyway, TobintheGnome and Bawston Sean should have a version of Rock Band. The point of view will be the same, but there won't be any falling "notes" to hit. Just two microphones attached for arguing.
RAWK.
JEFF: One of the controllers is a wig that you wear and you have to shake your head rhythmically while hitting red, red-red, red, red-red, red, red-red during that "Banshee" song.
As a short-run roommate of Jello Biafra's in a long-ago past life, I can say his anti-corporate screeds were sincere, and they did turn down a Polygram/Mercury deal early on. But Jello also lost his lawsuits to control the rights of the band's music, so licensing likely is a democracy between all the former bamd members, and I imagine Ray, Geoff, and Peligro have kids, mortgages, and so on.
In some ways, I'd rather my son learn "California uber Alles" than "Girls, Girls, Girls," but I probably won't be buying him that particular expansion pack.
true that. if i recall correctly, DK licensed a tune out to Levi's awhile back. Biafra got sued by his bsndmates not only for rights to the songs, but for money they lost out on for not having sold out sooner.
but. anyway. i'm jumping on this train:
Pantera: this is actually combo that intertwines guitar hero with a first-person shooter
Jensen Sportag: guitar controller is replaced by a panel of interconnected gadgets with over 74 different buttons and lots of flashing lights.
Sonic Youth: comes with 23 extra guitar controllers each with an alternate tuning, and one you have to play with a drumstick.
Herbie Hancock: only comes with "Rockit" and a turntable for a controller
Jimi Hendrix: you play that shit left handed, and the controller is flame retardant.
Am I insane? Interpol is/was that popular?
I'm pretty sure there are ways to load custom 'non-official' songs off the web. All it takes is one nerdy Interpol fan.
Interpol is on Rock Band 2. It's the song PDA. You guys are SO behind the times!
Tobin:
You are thinking of Guitar Hero World Tour. That is the one that allows uploading of user created content.
Rock Band is so great.
check out one of the lead articles on slate today: http://www.slate.com/id/2204766/
A couple years ago, my nephew was humming "I wanna be sedated" at Thanksgiving dinner and I couldn't figure out for the life of me how he'd heard that song (conservative family)... then I remembered I'd bought him guitar hero for his bday. I'm cool with it.
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