Love advice from the Scene's resident literary lotharioDear Damian: I've been in a relationship for several years now, and our love life is getting a little boring. I've been thinking of proposing a ménage à trois, and was wondering if you have any advice. Have you ever done it? And how do I bring it up with my girlfriend? Triple PlayerDear TP: Ah yes, I fondly recall the innocent days of my first ménage. I was 21, Lizette was 23 and Marielle was a mere 19. We were young and naive, and the girls were totally insatiable and as lovely as can be—or at least as lovely as 150 Barbadian dollars could buy at the time.But back to your questions. In any heterosexual relationship, it's important for women to understand that men are naturally and instinctively on the prowl. When we look at and flirt with other women, it in no way suggests that we don't love our significant other. In fact, it's this very animal magnetism that attracted our lovers to us in the first place. And to see that other women are attracted to us should only enhance our lovers' pride in knowing that they get to go home with us.After explaining these nuances of male-female dynamics to your girlfriend, tell her that if she really loves you and wants you to be happy, she'll agree to fulfill your fantasies, no matter how outlandish they may seem. And that by learning to trust each other in this exciting new situation, your relationship will only be strengthened, and you will reach levels of intimacy you had never before imagined possible. Then, when she gives you the answer you're sure to get, tell her that Lorena Bobbitt damn near went to jail, but for her temporary insanity defense and a sympathetic jury. (Speaking of which, I advise hiding all large kitchen knives prior to popping the question.) Then head to a friend's house for a few days until she cools down.Fortunately for me, my current girlfriend is very understanding, secure and accommodating. I'm so lucky in love that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. We've had several ménages a trois, a couple of ménages a quatre, even one ménage a cinq. And the best part—she's promised that, in the not too distant future, we can even include women in them.
