Warning! Not for children under 18, or anyone who might accidentally choke from laughter. One of the broadest categories of Internet literature is “slash,” or fan fiction devoted to pairings of fictional characters from TV, film, comics, etc. Most of it involves what-if romances; much of it ventures into uncharted realms of perversity. Early slash fiction recounted the stormy coupling of Star Trek’s Kirk and Spock, and entire online worlds have sprung up spinning off from The X Files and The West Wing, among countless other sources. (It should surprise no one that The Passion of the Christ now has its own slash site.) But this link should satisfy anyone who’s wondered about the long-rumored sex life of TV’s kinkiest duo: Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie. Mommy, what’s an “Elmo rod?”
In our daily onslaught of junk mail (for you youngsters, that’s the snail-mail version of spam), we received a promo for this saucy site featuring Ruby, a woman fast approaching age 50. “I don’t think I’m aging 'gracefully,’ and have no intention of aging quietly,” Ruby proclaims in her press release. “My site is about appreciating older women who still have it, never lost it, refuse to hide it and get a kick out of flaunting it.” Well, why the hell not...but the name...”Yummy Mummy”? A little cutesy and cloying for our taste. How about “Penthouse Pentagenarians” or “Five Decades of Decadence”? Lest you infer that we’re peddling porn, the literature ensures that Ruby “doesn’t reveal more than just enough.” And at $18 for six weeks, we’re to cheap to find out. As she puts it, “There’s a lot of pornography on the Web that shows everything and anything. I like to flirt by being suggestive, but I’ll only go so far.” Damn.