Is it still rock 'n' roll when you're shelling out more dough on moving violations and parking tickets than sex and drugs? Here's the rap sheet Those Darlins racked up from 2009 to 2010.

Tows: 

Brooklyn: $300 for removal and $150 for parking in a bus stop.

Toronto: $140 removal and $60 ticket.

Tows due to mechanical failure:

Carlisle, Pa.: Wheel bearing went out, necessitating three tows and resulting in 14 additional hours of travel. [The tow-truck driver] was obsessed with death. Arrived in Brooklyn 5:30 a.m. AAA plus: $150.

Somewhere between Memphis and Nashville: Our last show of the year was topped off by breaking down two hours from Nashville, resulting in 45 minutes spent out in the cold and necessitating two tow trucks. AAA plus: $100.

Random tickets:

(Note: New York City earns most of its revenue from parking violations. Read the signs where available.)

New York: $150 for parking too close to a fire hydrant, and $60 for double-parking.

St. Louis: $5 for an expired parking meter (still unpaid).

Los Angeles: $100 for parking in front of a hotel Dumpster. We were threatened with eviction three times for "noise." The hotel claimed, "Tranny prostitutes are apparently quieter than this band." 

Seattle: $150 for running a red light, plus a warning for a having a dirty license plate (the policeman's laughter was punishment enough).

Portland: Pulled over for driving too slow on highway, the officer claiming we "must be stoned." Field sobriety test: Passed. No ticket issued.

Rappahannock, Va.: Pulled over for having no rear lights. Field sobriety test executed while shirtless on Cuban heels: passed.

Toronto: $320, for running a red light. Field sobriety test: passed.

(Words of advice: Never let a drunk local give you directions back to their place while sitting in the backseat. Move their ass up front, or just go ahead and plug the address into the GPS after duct-taping their lips and eyes shut.)

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