No matter who you are or what your circumstances may be, you'd probably never trade places with Rob Van Winkle, a.k.a. Vanilla Ice. Perhaps the most maligned figure in the history of pop culturemore so than Roman Polanski, O.J. Simpson, Gary Glitter and Fatty Arbuckle combinedIce has long been relegated to the abyss of D-list celebrity. Going from having a reputation as the biggest poseur in hip-hop history to simply being the Carrot Top of rappers, Vanilla Ice is destined to forever be a punch line. Since Charles Manson and the Son of Sam killer probably trump Ice in the amount of fan mail received, its important to remember that he didnt kill anybody. He just wore audaciously bedazzled clown garb, forever tainted Queen and David Bowies Under Pressure, rapped about ninja turtles and lied about his back-storybut hey, Bob Dylan did at least one of those things too. Nearly 20 years after his brief reign over the pop chartsduring which his debut To the Extreme sold an unfathomable 40 million copies worldwideits safe to say Ice has paid the price for his musical trespasses. Drop the zero and get with the hero when he returns to Murfreesboro to play some funky music.
Sat., Dec. 12, 11 p.m., 2009