He voted against President Bill Clinton more than any member of Congress.
In 2002, he was just a few prayers short of winning the governor’s race.
When he lost that election, he, in a fit of entrepreneurial spirit, turned his erstwhile congressional career into a lucrative lobbying gig, earning more than $250,000 last year alone.
He desperately needs a job with a guaranteed, six-year lifespan.
And, finally, he has asked for your vote.
We can’t think of a more compelling set of circumstances to qualify someone to become one of the 100 members of this country’s most elite and powerful legislative chamber, the U.S. Senate. And so, in this week’s GOP primary, which will come to a merciful end once the sun goes down Thursday, we endorse Van Hilleary to replace the outgoing Bill Frist.
While Hilleary doesn’t talk much about Social Security, debt reduction or the kind of life-saving stem cell research under fire from his ilk—the meat-and-potatoes issues important to most voters—he knows what to be open-minded about. On one hand, he’s a defender of gangster culture, opposing gun control and protecting the right to bear semi-automatics. But like a genuine conservative, he knows where to draw the line. If, say, a couple of antique-loving homos were to relocate here from Massachusetts to settle down, they wouldn’t be registering at Dillard’s with Hilleary’s blessing.
And that’s not all. In a world where Hillearys (with an “e,” mind you) run the Senate, unwed teenagers, especially those who come from environments where Second Amendment freedoms are taken particularly seriously, would damn well give birth to their unwanted children. The Ten Commandments would be posted in courthouses across the state where those girls—who, let’s admit it, got what they asked for—would be reminded that God is watching. And students would, someday, get to pray in school again, perhaps for their very own shiny Smith & Wesson.
During an interview with the Tennessee Conservative Action Network, which is posted on his website, Hilleary makes it clear that he’s no phony—not some erudite, articulate, nuanced thinker who acknowledges other viewpoints. He takes his rhetoric seriously and won’t be lured, tricked or otherwise led into talk of substantive public policy issues.
“Think about what’s happened on our watch, our generation’s watch.... We’ve seen nativity scenes ruled unconstitutional on courthouse squares, we’ve seen the Ten Commandments ruled by the Supreme Court as legal sometimes and not legal to display at other times. We’ve seen abortion made legal on demand, we’ve seen prayer out of schools, we’ve seen the words ‘under God’ ruled unconstitutional in our Pledge by a federal appellate court in California, just one step away from the Supreme Court ruling that way, and last year, of all things, we saw marriage made legal between some combination other than one man or one woman.”
And Hilleary doesn’t simply find all this troubling. No, he goes one better. “That slide has got to stop,” he says, “and that to me is the biggest issue we’re going to face in this election.”
To sum up:
1. Guns good, gay lovin’ bad.
2. All life is precious.
3. Bag up those stem cells in some Hefty bags and tell grandma to say a prayer.