Below, I continue taking a look at new series debuting on the networks this fall. There’s a big batch this week, and the shows can be easily lumped into three categories:

The Good. . .

Citizen Baines (Sept. 29, CBS) This is perhaps one of the most pleasant surprises on TV this fall. Largely, my enjoyment comes from the fact that, after watching the first two episodes, I still don’t have a clue where this show is headed. James Cromwell plays Elliot Baines, a Washington state senator who has been in public service for 25 years and is up for reelection. With his wife long deceased, Baines counts upon his three daughters for his closest support.

I suppose this is a family drama, which would befit its Saturday-night time slot, but I like the way the show at times fools us otherwise in the pilot. The daughters rally around Dad—one willingly, two reluctantly—but by the end of the first episode, the plot has taken an unexpected turn. And by the second episode, we realize this is very much an ensemble show, each character having his or her own story line. Citizen Baines has its goofy moments, as family dramas often do, but for the most part the writing is strong and the characters well realized.

Alias (Sept. 30, ABC) Created by J.J. Abrams, the brain behind WB’s Felicity, this has been one of the most highly lauded of the new shows, and it largely deserves the attention. There was some concern that in the wake of the terrorist attacks, this CIA action-adventure drama might be unsuitable material. But unlike CBS’ The Agency, Alias offers straight-up comic book thrills and silliness. The bad guys in this fantasy are a rogue agency on the level of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. from the early James Bond movies.

Jennifer Garner plays Sydney Bristow, a grad student who was recruited by the CIA early in her college career. There are multiple love interests and, in the comic book tradition, a tragedy to ensure her transformation into a driven superhero. The action is some of the best I’ve seen in some time, on the big or small screen. Fight scenes are clearly choreographed, so you don’t get lost in the action, and the soundtrack music is among the best electronica I’ve heard. There are plenty of implausibilities and overripe melodramatic moments, but rather than detract from the show, they only add to its guilty pleasures.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Sept. 30, NBC) I’m not all that enamored of this program, but I couldn’t put it in the bad category, because I couldn’t come up with many valid complaints. It’s basically like the other two Law & Order programs, so if you enjoy those, you’ll like this one. But I’d argue that the formula’s a little worn out. The twist here is that we get inside the criminals’ psyches and follow them, as well as the cops, throughout the episode. It helps to have a good cast, including Vincent D’Onofrio, Kathryn Erbe, and Courtney B. Vance.

Scrubs (Oct. 2, NBC) This is the first show I will declare as a surefire hit. Scrubs follows the trials and tribulations of nervous medical interns during their first year on hospital duty. The commercials for this show made it seem tame, but it’s a charming riot. In many ways, it’s modeled on Malcolm in the Middle, with its fast pace, fantasy sequences, and random flashbacks.

But unlike other recent shows that have tried to copy this style, Scrubs has the wit to pull it off. It also helps that the cast is fantastic. Zach Braff is a real find as our self-conscious main character, and John C. McGinley is pitch perfect as the caustic doctor who gets unwillingly adopted as his mentor. Scrubs may not revolutionize the sitcom formula, but I liked the characters a lot and I laughed hard and often.

The Bad. . .

Inside Schwartz (Sept. 27, NBC) The fantasy sequences and the rapid flashbacks on Scrubs are quickly becoming overused conceits. Most shows figure out how to make them work, but not Inside Schwartz. On this show about a wannabe sportscaster who has recently been dumped by his girlfriend, sports figures and other sportscasters provide commentary on his pathetic life.

The problem is that, except for getting to hear Dick Butkus use the word “candyass,” none of it is sharp or funny. And it doesn’t help that the show is standard sitcom fare, replete with the female best friend whom everybody knows should be with the protagonist.

Thieves (Sept. 28, ABC) John Stamos and lovely Aussie Melissa George are a couple of mismatched thieves ripe with sexual tension, forced to work together for the government. George is attractive, but her cleavage probably does more connecting with the audience than she does. And Stamos makes a game try, but is still too nice and safe to pull off the role of a seasoned burglar.

Of course, the show isn’t really going for a hard-boiled tone. It wants to be something along the lines of Moonlighting—but he’s no Bruce Willis, she’s no Cybill Shepherd, and the writer is no Glenn Gordon Caron.

U.C.: Undercover (Sept. 30, NBC) One of the biggest howlers of the season, almost enjoyable in its shoddy execution. This action-adventure show follows an elite Justice Department team that infiltrates expert burglary crews. Grant Show of Melrose Place fame returns to TV to lead this expert group...and to prove he still can’t act.

Show’s return is only for a handful of episodes, though, because apparently the producers also realized he couldn’t act, so they fired him. The show is so predictable that you’ve figured out the surprises five minutes before they’ve happened. The only plus is Alex Cross, who, with her pouty lips and piercing blue eyes, could melt a glacier.

According to Jim (Oct. 3, ABC) A standard family sitcom; there’s nothing miserable here, but it’s as bland as can be. Jim Belushi and Courtney Thorne-Smith are boring and uninspired, and the rest of the characters are barely more than cardboard cutouts.

. . . and the Ugly

Bob Patterson (Oct. 2, ABC) I had hopes that Jason Alexander would defeat the dreaded Seinfeld curse, but this thing is a mess. Bob Patterson is a mopey, self-pitying man who happens to be a successful self-help guru, but he’s been in a rut since his girlfriend left him eight months ago. His manipulative agent, gratingly played by Robert Klein, is trying to get him out of his writer’s block, but it’s only when his ex returns that the floodgates open.

The show’s two biggest mistakes are that it doesn’t make any good use of the self-help guru setup, and it tries to ape the irreverent tone of Seinfeld. The results are at times painful. Alexander created a distinctly self-absorbed and neurotic character in George Costanza, but here he’s just crass and discomfiting. And the show’s problems are confounded by the fact that everybody seems to be yelling most of the time. Many said that Michael Richards’ inept NBC vehicle last fall was about as bad as you could get, but I’d say this is worse. At least that show was inadvertently entertaining in a train-wreck sort of fashion. One-third of the way into Bob Patterson, I was praying for it to be over.

Quotidian Challenge

“I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true.”

Be the first to e-mail the origin of this useless bit of trivia to poplife the shame of your name printed as the winner and some free useless crap from the Nashville Scene!

Previous week’s answer: “I’m a street-walkin’ cheetah with a heart full of napalm.”—Iggy & the Stooges

Winner: Craig Owensby.