The Love Issue: It's Complicated
They say love is a many-splendored thing. Many-splintered is more like it. Because love stinks. Or at least, to love is to suffer. Or maybe love is like a delicate flower. Either way, you can't kiss someone like it's the last time unless it is the last time, thankyouverymuch. And besides, everyone knows men are no-good, two-timing rascals and women are no-good, two-timing gold diggers. Hey, why is it that even good relationships still take so much work, but never as much as the ones that are doomed? Why is it that nowadays, everybody sleeps with everybody and won't shut up about it, and that's called "sophisticated" and not "gross"? If you love someone and set them free, and then your best friend hooks up with them, do you have to pay back the 50 bucks she loaned you? Hey, you know what I always say: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Yep, it's Valentine's Day again. We could have used our collective love wisdom to tell you how to seduce your intended with sexy chocolates, sexy satin sheets and sexy teddy bears. Or we could have recommended gift certificates for sexy stripper exercise routines and sexy man-boob surgeries. But we're too busy still trying to wrap our heads around this whole relationship biz. So we thought we'd walk you through the whole hot mess, courtesy of our own baptisms by fire.
Like, ever move across an ocean only to get dumped? (p. 17) Brutal. Ever try to date a dude in his 20s? Ill-advised or wacky wonderland? (p. 18) Ever tried to navigate this town socially with a trail of exes in your wake? (p. 10) Good luck with that. Ever wonder if you're in the middle of a bromance? (p. 21) Relax, we can help. And that's not all! From where to eat a romantic dinner in town — scientifically calculated based on how smitten you are with your dinner date — (p. 14), to what movie to show your significant other depending on what stage your relationship is in (p. 13), we take you through the breakups and the makeups, with musical remedies and even sex-tape recommendations to jumpstart your music career. Because hey, we were in love once, too. And we're still not any smarter.
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