The Gripes of Wrath 

We forgot — can't you forgive?

We forgot — can't you forgive?

By Scene Staff

Yikes! We knew you folks were miffed when we didn’t pick a winner in last year’s “You Are So Nashville If...” contest. But we figured that, by now, the wounds would have healed. If this year’s entries are any indication, however, you’ve forgiven Boner, you’ve forgiven Bredesen, and you’ve forgiven beer in the arena. But as for the Scene—well, we’re still somewhere behind Bud Adams, Turko, Catherine Darnell, Adam Dread, and Planet Hollywood. Don some protective goggles and read these bitter babies:

...you enter this contest and are shocked, shocked, to discover that someone will actually judge the quality of your work.

...you make light of your readership’s best efforts to make you laugh and then still have the nerve to ask us suckers to play your silly little contest again.

...the one year you decide against entering “You Are So Nashville If...” the Scene declares no winner.

...you run a copycat entertainment weekly with articles that pander to the mainstream media, then accuse Nashvillians of not being original enough to win your stupid contest.

...you work hard to establish a fledgling weekly paper into a significant voice in the satirically deprived Nashville, yet become so self-absorbed that you choose to reproach and patronize your readers instead of laugh with them in a recent “You Are So Nashville If...” contest.

...your entire existence cannot be summed up in a two-line sound bite, regardless of the expectations of the Nashville Scene editors and contest judges.

...you actually felt bad that the Scene couldn’t pick a first-place winner last year. I guess none of us were “Nashville” enough.

...you’re afraid to enter the “You Are So Nashville If...” contest because of last year’s scolding the Nashville Scene gave its readers for lack of originality.

...you are still pissed off at the Nashville Scene for not naming a winner for this contest last year.

...you write for the Nashville Scene and consider yourself a real journalist.

...you are not embarrassed to live in a city that has a “You Are So Nashville If...” contest.

...you think you know what is So Nashville.

...you wonder why they couldn’t pick a winner last year.

...you win this contest.

...you actually felt bad that the Scene couldn’t pick a first-place winner last year. I guess none of us were “Nashville” enough.

...you’re afraid to enter the “You Are So Nashville If...” contest because of last year’s scolding the Nashville Scene gave its readers for lack of originality.

...you are still pissed off at the Nashville Scene for not naming a winner for this contest last year.

...you write for the Nashville Scene and consider yourself a real journalist.

...you are not embarrassed to live in a city that has a “You Are So Nashville If...” contest.

...you think you know what is So Nashville.

...you wonder why they couldn’t pick a winner last year.

...you win this contest.

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