The Fabricator
Pulaski Klan Votes to Retain White Sheets
In a closely watched vote, members of the Pulaski branch of the Ku Klux Klan have voted to continue to wear traditional white sheets at all Klan events.
A movement had been under way to switch to a multicolor array of sheets, but the effort at modernization was voted down by a margin of approximately 2-to-1, according to final tallies released by the office of Grand Exaulted Whoopin’ Klan Kleegle Klaxton Bob “Flaming” Cross.
Cross, a supporter of the more modern look, said at a news conference after the election that the results were simply an indication of what he euphemistically called “the traditional nature of most Klansmen.”
“People who like change don’t join the Klan, and if Klansmen like anything, they like white,” he said. “I can’t say that when I see those pretty ads for the Sears White Sale I don’t get a twinge of wanting to wear one of those attractive pastel solids or even a nice flowered print,” he said. “I think that they would have looked real nice at a big rally. But the voters have spoken, so white it is.”
“This is a stinging rebuke to the liberals, the NAACP, and to others who would force us down the road of trendy modern bedwear,” said outspoken white-sheet proponent Clem Suggs at a victory rally on the steps of the Pulaski courthouse. In conclusion, he invoked the slogan of the pro-white-sheet forces: “Better dead than dyed,” he bellowed.
Local NAACP leader Frank Cotton said his organization had remained neutral about the colors the Klan chooses to wear at its rallies. Last year, the organization was similarly neutral during the debate about whether the local Klan should be allowed to “adopt” a section of a local highway for litter pickup—a controversy in which the Klan prevailed.
“Picking up roadside garbage and arguing about pastels—I can’t think of better uses for the Klan’s time,” Cotton said.
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