The Fabricator 

"Frosty" theory annoys co-workers

"Frosty" theory annoys co-workers

Larry Horton, who works in the accounting office of the downtown Bank of America, is annoying his co-workers again this Christmas season with lengthy explanations about the hidden meaning of the song “Frosty the Snowman.”

Employees in the accounting office disagree over whether this is the fifth or sixth consecutive year that Horton has smugly and irritatingly expounded on the popular carol. “He won’t shut up about it, and as soon as I get away from him, I hear him going on about it with Michelle in the next cubicle,” co-worker Susan Sharp said.

When reached at his desk and asked about his many discussions of “Frosty the Snowman,” Horton quickly embraced the opportunity to offer his theory once again. “Most people just hear that song or sing along with it, and have no idea what it’s really about,” he said.

“I just point out to people that the song ‘Frosty the Snowman’ is about a character who comes to life through supernatural means—remember the line, ‘Must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found.’ He then becomes a beloved leader with a band of dedicated followers. OK, now follow me closely here: Then he dies and leaves the followers distraught, but only after promising that ‘he’ll be back again someday.’ ”

Horton continued, “This is clearly a cleverly disguised story of the life of Jesus, and yet people sing it all the time as though it’s only about a snowman. I just find that fascinating, and I think other people do too.”

Despite Horton’s claims about their interest in his “Frosty the Snowman” explanation, co-workers don’t seem interested. “I wish Larry would just get a life,” one longtime accounting colleague said. “It’s just a stupid song about a damn snowman.”

On a positive note, sources say it has been several years since Horton has produced star maps at the company holiday party in an effort to disprove the existence of a literal Star of Bethlehem. “I remember when he was doing that star stuff,” a colleague recalled with a shake of the head, adding, “I just feel sorry for his wife and kids.”

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