The Fabricator
Brentwood bans passing gas at city park
The Brentwood Park Board plans to send a recommendation to the City Commission next week banning “the passing of intestinal gas” from the grounds surrounding the popular Eddy Arnold Amphitheater at Crockett Park.
Joe Reagan, a city commissioner who serves on the park board, defends the impending ban as necessary to the smooth and pleasant operation of the park.
“You never want to have more rules than fun, but we can all agree that sitting next to somebody who has just enjoyed a baked bean dinner can be pretty unpleasant, and this ordinance will put a stop to it,” he says.
A special “gas passing” section will be created adjacent to the existing smoking section to accommodate the needs of gas passers.
“We’re having the signs [for the section] painted up now,” Reagan says, adding that the county has also purchased several “fart- sniffing dogs.”
The beagles, trained in France, can allegedly pinpoint the source of a noxious odor, even in a large crowd.
When the gas-passing ban goes into effect, it will join other mandatory restrictions at the park, including smoking, alcoholic beverages, dogs, cats, ferrets, dancing, fireworks, picnicking, stepping on the grass, loud talking, beepers or cell phones, recording devices, flash photography, skateboarding, rollerblading, swearing, bicycling, and the wearing of short-shorts, halter tops, or thongs.
The impending ban—characterized by female members of the park board as the “poot policy”—has its critics.
“When they said they wanted to get government off our backs, I had no idea they meant they wanted to put it in our colons,” says local activist Mary Cotton, who called the proposed ordinance “the triumph of the fragrantly correct.”
Joe Reagan disagrees. “We want our park to be safe and pleasant, and to reflect Brentwood community values.”
