The recent vote by the governing body of the Southern Baptist Church to forbid the future ordination of women as ministers has led the church to create a handy written pocket guide for Baptists who would like a quick reference about which people are and are not officially forbidden by the church to be ordained.
Although the pocket reference hasn’t been distributed yet to the faithful, The Fabricator has obtained an advance copy.
Those with no specific rule against Baptist ordination:
Really stupid people
Greasy-looking skinny guys
People who think ”Jesus“ is a seven-syllable word
Exploiters of the poor
Drivers of ”Jesus fish“ vehicles
People who cheer John Rocker when he walks to the mound
Drivers of extremely expensive cars
Those specifically forbidden Baptist ordination:
Lesbians (doubly forbidden)
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