The Fabricator
Jesus awarded game ball in Rams win
At the strong urging of St. Louis Rams quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Kurt Warner, the Rams have voted to award the game ball of their Super Bowl victory over the Tennessee Titans to Jesus Christ.
It is believed to be the first time the founder of a world religion has received such an honor.
Warner has made it clear in numerous interviews that he believes his team’s success on the football field is owed to the Galilean carpenter.
”It’s only right to give Jesus the game ball,“ Warner said. ”He clearly wanted us to win, and since he created the universe, he obviously has the power to affect the outcome of a football game. Thank you, Jesus!“
Warner’s theology of the gridiron has rekindled the often-debated question about whether God influences sporting events in order to test, torment, or reward participants and fans.
Meanwhile, ABC television denied rumors, which came to light during Warner’s appearance on Pat Robertson’s 700 Club, of the existence of an enhanced, super slow-motion videotape of the final play of the game. The tape is rumored to show a giant hand reaching down from the sky and pushing the Titans’ Kevin Dyson to the ground just short of the goal line.
In a statement issued through his publicist, Jesus, who recently celebrated his 2000th birthday, graciously accepted the gift from the Rams.
”It’s really nice of the Rams to give me the game ball,“ the member of the Holy Trinity said. ”I’ll treasure it throughout eternity. I’m really looking forward to showing it to Satan the next time he starts bragging and showing off George Steinbrenner’s soul.“
However, sources say Jesus turned down an invitation to ride in the lead car in the Rams’ victory parade, citing previous engagements to comfort famine victims and prevent an asteroid from impacting Brazil.
