The recently-poured sidewalk on the south side of Demarius Street in the Inglewood section of East Nashville will officially be known as the Royal Crown Cola Walkway, after RC Cola purchased the naming rights for the four-block stretch of new concrete.
“The arena and stadium were too rich for our blood,” said Ralston “Sugar” Calhoun, RC’s CEO. “But a sidewalkwe can afford that.”
After noting the money generated by the naming rights to the Adelphia Coliseum and the Gaylord Arena, Metro has quietly pursued other naming ventures as a way to painlessly stretch tax dollars.
“This is new thinking, the best of public-private partnership for the public’s good,” said a courthouse source. “I mean, if your taxes don’t go up, who cares what a road or a park is called?”
Sources also say that, as soon as the new signs are ready, the announcement will be made that, following payment of an undisclosed fee, Belle Meade Boulevard will be renamed the Depends Adult Undergarments Causeway.
“We want to make this go as smoothly as possible,” said a spokesperson for Belle Meade City Hall. “We have change-of-address forms available for all boulevard residents, so they can easily contact people who send them mail with the street’s new name.”
Less certain, but in the works, are plans for the Texas Pete Hot Sauce Greenway, and plans for Radnor Lake to become the Discover Card Recreation Area.
The Warner Parks will also undergo a slight name change to the Warner Brothers Records Parks.
Not everyone is happy with the new revenue-generating plan. “This is a travesty,” said Council at-large member Chris Ferrell, normally not averse to new, environmentally friendly revenue sources. “What’s nextare we going to have the BFI Metro Courthouse or the Charmin Toilet Paper Council Chambers?”
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