The Fabricator 

Election News Roundup

Election News Roundup

Purcell's desk inks three-picture deal

Bill Purcell’s famous front-yard desk, which became more familiar to voters than most candidates for mayor, has parlayed commercial stardom into a three-picture deal with Artisan Entertainment, the hot studio responsible for the groundbreaking shocker The Blair Witch Project.

The popular item of office furniture is already being considered for the lead in the low-budget horror movie The Big Spooky Desk, in which hand-held, shaky camera work makes the title furnishing appear to be eerily moving about a dark room. Studio CEO Mark Curcio said in a statement that Purcell’s desk “has tons of indie cool. It reminds me of a young Keanu Reeves.”

Grand jury indicts Philip’s barber

The Davidson County Grand Jury, after an extensive review of videotape evidence from several televised mayoral debates, has handed down an indictment against candidate Murray Philip’s barber. The candidate’s ominous flattop cut had been the subject of much comment during the campaign.

“It’s an open-and-shut case,” said a source in the D.A.’s office. “That haircut is clear evidence that a crime has been committed. That’s one bad ’do.”

Fulton concedes Blockbuster membership

Former Mayor Richard Fulton has voluntarily pulled out of membership at his local Blockbuster video store. “I’m just not renting as many movies as I used to, and I don’t want to let down the other members of my store by not holding up my average,” he explained.

“Besides,” the former-but-not-future mayor added, “every time I go in there, somebody asks me how I landed that cameo in Happy Gilmore, and I’m just sick of it.”

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