Test Your Boner Acumen
1. In March, defying the infamous timidity of the General Assembly, state House Republican leader Steve McDaniel boldly introduced legislation that would:
A. Reapportion funds from the TDOT war chest to the state’s woefully underfinanced education system.
B. Force a fiscally responsible state budget.
C. Bring a lottery proposal and a state income tax to a statewide referendum.
D. Designate April 7-15 as “Emu Awareness Week.”
2. Jody Mark Tolar, a former security guard at the headquarters of the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, stood trial this year for stealing more than 50 pounds of cocaine from the TBI’s evidence room. What high-tech device did he use to gain entrance to the locked room?
A. A synthetic retina scan.
B. A digitally recorded voice print.
C. A software program that descrambles alarm codes.
D. A coat hanger.
3. In a strongly worded letter to FOX TV, Southern Baptist Convention president James Merritt asked the network to “go to the depths of your heart and honestly ask this question: Is this the best FOX Network can do? I want to urge you as strongly as I can to reconsider airing this type of sordid entertainment.” The sordid entertainment in question was:
A. America’s Funniest Home Surgeries.
B. That freaky weatherman.
C. What, on FOX? You’ll have to be more specific.
D. Temptation Island.
4. According to an inspector general’s report, the new Nashville office space intended to increase the Tennessee Valley Authority’s efficiency will instead cost an additional $12 million in rent over the next seven years. While TVA faces a $25 billion debt, the 64-percent increase in square footage includes such necessities as:
A. Larger executive offices.
B. An employee health spa.
C. Expanded break areas.
D. All of the above.
5. What did talk show host Teddy Bart compare to “a group of people watching Timothy McVeigh die”?
A. Mornings With Ralph Emery.
B. Televised Metro Council meetings.
C. Budget talks at the Tennessee General Assembly.
D. The tension in the studio after Bart’s guest Tommy Burnett accused conservative commentator Crom Carmichael of racism, prompting a memorable on-air shouting match.
6. Marvin Sandrell, a Maury County used car dealer, purchased what dubious piece of country-music memorabilia from eBay for $15,800?
A. Billy Ray Cyrus’ mullet.
B. Travis Tritt’s sideburn trimmings.
C. Lee Greenwood.
D. George Jones’ wrecked Lexus.
7. Rather than kowtow to a new city ordinance requiring exotic dancers to wear pasties, the owner of an Elkton adult-entertainment nightspot decided just to close up shop—thus depriving local news anchors of the pleasure of saying its name night after night. The name of this notorious nightspot is:
A. Ho Depot.
B. Ta’s R Us.
C. Mammary Lane.
D. The Boobie Bungalow.
8. Ed Evins, a Nashville stockbroker and the brother of radio host Karlen Evins, had his life made hell for a few days last January by The Tennessean. What happened?
A. He subscribed.
B. He wore a bleach-bottle hat he read about in Ms. Cheap.
C. He drank a wine Frank Sutherland recommended.
D. He was photographed sneaking a peek at Melynda Duval, a stripper and anti-fur activist standing semi-nude on the corner of Fourth Avenue and Church Street.
9. The Nashville nightlife magazine The Tag reported that Heaven Lee, the exotic dancer who was one of the hottest attractions in the history of Printer’s Alley, was really:
A. The leader of the Taliban.
B. Two dwarves in a leotard.
C. Drue Smith.
D. A man.
10. On its cable subsidiary Channel Five Plus, WTVF-Channel 5 entered the reality TV fray with what high-concept show?
A. Rob Manning’s Sewer Busters.
B. Phil Williams’ Soul Train!
C. Hope Hines’ Boobie Bungalow.
D. Metro Night Court, a half-hour show consisting of late-night court cases.
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