Suspect Behavior 

A 68-year-old woman went ballistic when her “ex-granddaughter” showed up at her house, and she began “striking the victim with her walking stick, which resembles a bat,” according to police.

Raising cane

A 68-year-old woman went ballistic when her “ex-granddaughter” showed up at her house, and she began “striking the victim with her walking stick, which resembles a bat,” according to police. The woman swatted her former family member in the face several times, knocking off her glasses and leaving a small cut. Police say that after they arrived the defendant “continued making verbal threats to the victim while holding her cane,” announcing that if the young woman didn’t leave she would “knock her head off.” Once police convinced the perp to put down the cane she was arrested for aggravated assault.

Remains of the day

A woman returned from vacation to discover burglars had ransacked her trailer, stealing a bizarre array of items. Topping the list was “an urn containing human remains,” along with dog food, canned goods, frozen food, an extension cord and a videotape. A few days after filing a police report, police say the victim was visiting a friend’s apartment when she came across the stolen videotape. The male suspect, 38, admitted using a screwdriver to break in and steal items with the help of his 19-year-old fiancée. The victim said she would not prosecute if the urn were returned intact, but the suspect said when he realized what it was he was thoroughly creeped out and tossed it in a Dumpster, where it was found shattered. The couple were charged with burglary, and the male suspect was booked for abuse of a corpse as well.

Good luck outrunning the cops on that diet

A male suspect, 35, entered the Mapco on Eighth Avenue South and snagged a 24-pack of Budweiser and a bag of pork rinds, then ran out of the store without paying. The cashier flagged down a passing officer, who caught up with the thief down the street as he sat in his car savoring his loot. The officer says that when he approached the suspect’s car, “he looked at me, put the car in reverse, and backed into my police car.” The man then bolted from the vehicle, but only made it a few feet before police tackled him to the ground. “The suspect fought vigorously” and “was swinging and kicking wildly trying to get away.” Instead he was cuffed and booked for theft, evading arrest, resisting arrest and vandalism.

Beer me

An inebriated customer at the Division Street Citgo Station began yelling and cussing after the cashier refused to sell him any more beer because he could barely stand. When officers arrived to arrest the suspect, police say he screamed, “Fuck you, I’m going to get my beer, you go to jail.” Intent on making the purchase, the 35-year-old man refused to leave and started “swinging his arms” when police attempted to handcuff him, striking one of the officers in the arm. In addition to public intoxication, he was charged with assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest.

All items in Suspect Behavior are taken from actual Metro police arrest reports and affidavits.

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