Walk softly and beat ass with a big stick
Officers investigating a report of “a woman armed with a stick” responded to a home on Edge Moor Drive to find the suspect had hit her live-in boyfriend in the nose with the tree branch because, police report, “he walked by her bedroom after she told him not to.” A friend who was visiting the couple said he witnessed the woman smack the victim upside the head with a stick for no apparent reason. When police asked the suspect what happened, she denied hitting her boyfriend, but admitted she had “a tree branch that she keeps in her bedroom.” Given the blood on the wall, her boyfriend’s injuries and the fact that she gave no reason for possessing the tree branch, the woman, 45, was booked for domestic assault.
What not to tell police
A woman who called police during an argument with her husband became irate when officers refused to make her husband leave, proclaiming, “I’ll just kill the motherfucker then.” “I tried to explain to the suspect that as a law enforcement officer I do not have the right to evict someone,” according to a responding officer, who went on to warn the 25-year-old suspect that it’s a bad idea to threaten someone’s life in front of police. “She stated she did not care.” After a brief struggle with officers, the woman was cuffed and charged with domestic assault and resisting arrest.
So much for love thy neighbor
An Old Hickory man was charged with disorderly conduct for calling one of his neighbors a “fucking crack whore” after she complained to police about loud music coming from his apartment. Police knocked on the door and the “extremely intoxicated” suspect initially claimed that “no one was playing music in his apartment,” police say. The officers indicated they weren’t deaf and could clearly hear music blaring, at which point he agreed to lower the volume. Police were heading down the hallway to leave when the 42-year-old suspect opened his door and began directing profanities up the stairs to the “fucking crack whore” who had complained. Police again told him to simmer down, and he agreed, but less than a minute later he reappeared in the hallway, where he continued to berate his neighbor.
The imperfect crime
After stealing two 24-ounce cans of Colt 45 from Scott Market on White Bridge Road, a 21-year-old man embarked on a bizarre string of thefts before returning to the first store to steal more beer. The suspect chugged the malt liquor before swiping a fully stocked toolbox from Walgreen’s and a clothing iron from CVS. When the suspect returned to Scott Market about an hour later, the cashier managed to hold the door shut until police arrived.
All items in Suspect Behavior are taken from actual Metro police arrest reports and affidavits.