Cheddar is better with a beer
A man described as “stuporous” became “belligerent” when he was busted trying to steal a beer from the H.G. Hills on Gallatin Road. A security guard asked the suspect—who smelled of alcohol and was unsteady on his feet—whether he’d been drinking, to which the man told police, “I plead the Fifth Amendment.” The would-be thief, 41, was searched for store merchandise and “a block of cheddar cheese was discovered concealed inside subject’s pants,” according to a police affidavit. He was charged with theft for the attempted beer heist and the $2 block of cheddar in his drawers.
I think I’ll call the boy Damien
A pregnant woman became angry with her husband and hurled a lug wrench at him during an argument. The tool missed the victim and he was not hurt, but he told police he was “afraid of being seriously injured” by his betrothed because of “her pregnant rampage.” As a result of the attack on her husband of five years (and because this wasn’t the first time), the 24-year-old mother-to-be was booked for aggravated assault.
Somebody give that woman a cigarette
A crazed smoker in need of some nicotine went ballistic when she was told to “buy her own damn cigarettes.” The suspect had stopped by a neighbor’s apartment to use the phone, and attempted to bum a smoke in the process. When the man declined, “she became enraged and jumped on the victim and began beating him with an ashtray.” The beat-down continued with a lamp and then a picture frame. The violent outburst landed the lady in jail for aggravated assault.
It’s not even trash day, stupid
An officer patrolling Fourth Avenue South observed a man “pulling a brown plastic Metro Public Works ‘Curby’ wheeled trash can” down the street in the middle of the afternoon. The can was full of metal pieces resembling parts of an air conditioning unit. The perp made it only a few blocks from the crime scene, and admitted to police that neither the trash can nor the air conditioner belonged to him.
Tuesday night smackdown
Police responded to reports of an unruly customer at Cragnacker’s Bar and Grill on Old Hickory Boulevard and found the suspect “outside the bar cursing, screaming and yelling” at the owner, who kicked him out after he tried to start several fights. The 19-year-old continued “acting out in a loud and obnoxious manor” once officers arrived, and then began “threatening to kick the asses of a [witness] and police.” When the cops tried to arrest the defendant, he pulled away, and when handcuffs were taken out he tried to “wiggle free.” Police finally wrestled the man to the ground, and it took three people—two officers and a witness—to cuff him. His night ended with a long list of charges, including assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
All items in Suspect Behavior are taken from actual Metro police arrest reports and affidavits.