Sports Desk
From the Scene’s desk at McCabe Pub
The way, way insiders at the Scene Sports Desk were faced with an existential dilemma Monday night (though, not knowing what “existential” really means, did not realize it). They have long heard and even accepted the wisdom that only coaches, rookies and the fans most pitifully in need of a life can work up much excitement about exhibition, er, preseason, NFL football. Yet there they were, glossing over Shaun Micheel’s stone-cold shot on the 18th that cinched the PGA Championship, barely remarking on Ted Williams’ severed head, ignoring the pennant races altogether, not even talking about fantasy football and spending most of their considerable breath on the Titans’ preseason performances. For what it’s worth, which ain’t much, the performances have been good. The Titans’ starting defense hasn’t allowed a touchdown in two games—which is another way of saying that opponents running only their base offenses with their starters for a couple of series couldn’t crack the end zone. Still, stuffing people defensively in the preseason beats getting lit up like Christmas at Opryland. Meanwhile, after a first-week performance that practically infringed on the franchise rights of anesthesiologists, the Titans’ offense began chunking the ball in a way that once would have made up-from-conservatism coach Jeff Fisher itchier than mohair. We think it was no coincidence that they also scored 37 points. For Titans fans, perhaps the most pleasant revelation so far has been third-team QB Billy Volek, who has performed exceptionally well against the visitors’ scrubs. Volek has run the offense so well, in fact, that Neil O’Donnell, once the Titans’ safety blanket, now looks expendable. The insiders also hope Jeff Fisher will find some way to keep their fourth quarterback, undrafted rookie Jason Gesser, on the practice squad, or even just to iron the untucked “waiter shirts” that Fisher and his staff unveiled in the first game. The panelists still like receiver Tyrone Calico, the rookie from MTSU. Barring some new rule interpretation that permits applying Lester Hayes’ stickum to Calico’s touchdown-dropping-prone hands, we suggest that the Titans install portable defibrillator paddles in every section of the Coliseum.... The Sports Desk participants also managed to catch the highlight of the weekend (thankfully, it happened when none of us had a mouthful of our favorite beverage): Ozzy Ozbourne’s unique stylings on “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during the seventh-inning stretch at Wrigley Field. For now, bans on flag burning and gay marriage can take a back seat; the first constitutional amendment priority is to ensure that Ozzy never again gets near a ballpark microphone. We kept waiting for him to bite the handle off one of Sammy Sosa’s bats. No such luck.
—Randy Horick
