Everybody rolls out their own particular hue of red carpet in relationships to wow the object of their affection, but it takes more than just a shrewdly edited iPod or carefully displayed collection of outsider art to communicate your complete relationship DNA. Sure, everyone has their equivalent of a cool French new wave film — or their UHF — they bust out to impress the new guy or gal in their life, but there's nothing like the one-two punch of the right kind of love story told via celluloid to draw your love lines in the sand.
Lucky for us, ever since the first damsel in distress squirmed helplessly on the train tracks, the movies have been showing us how to rescue and how to play coy, how to ensnare and how to ditch when the ditchin's good — even how to rip out hearts, stub out our cigarettes in them, and still be good pals after. In a tidy hour and a half, they can resolve decades-long, tumultuous affairs in minutes, or weave tales imagining every kind of love, only to untie and retangle them in as long as it takes to stutter through a first-date dinner at Olive Garden. But like so much in life, timing and selection are everything: Whip out sex, lies and videotape too soon and you'll find yourself back on Match.com in less than a week. Instead, try tossing these coolly calculated selections in your queue to introduce the complexities of amour at the three key phases in any relationship (that lasts more than a week). Disclaimer: Romantic films are almost always sappy and formulaic; consider it an innate risk of the genre.
First Blush: If only dames were so mischievous yet kind, if only gents were so thoughtful and pure of heart! Hell, if only working as a waitress allowed you to eat organic and live in a cool French village full of bona fide characters. Though the feel-good, delectably shot French film Amelie constantly darts around the too cloyingly clever meter, it's lighthearted and quirky in all the ways you want a new relationship to be: It has mystery, humor, pining, good-hearted Samaritanism, manageable obstacles and wacky antics in spades — just the kind of film to remind you and your new dark-horse candidate what falling in love ought to be about. Upside: makes you look cool, quirky, casual — fun! Downside: Sets an impossible level of mirthful mischief to maintain.
Get Comfortable: But come on, who are we kidding? Soon you'll get to know this beast for better or for worse, and that's when films that show love's messy underbelly will give you the most bang for your buck. Really, at this point, any Woody Allen flick will do — if nothing else, the man's filmography is a one-stop shop for love's often ill-fated trajectory, from the initial swoon to the inevitable stasis, to the infidelity, heartbreak, doubletalk, rationalizations, therapy and often suffocating navel-gazing that follows. Annie Hall is an obvious yet reliable choice for a reason: proof that likable neurotics can stay friends when the relationship inevitably fails. But optimists will prefer the way both Manhattan and Hannah and Her Sisters — two films that track the love lives of an intersecting slew of too-smart-for-their-own-good characters — keep the home fires hot for the sort of love that can become frustratingly derailed and still find its way back on track, while the often overlooked Casablanca spoof Play it Again, Sam charitably reminds its audience of the value of stick-with-it-ness and loyalty in matters of the heart. Upside: makes you look intellectual; complicated, but hopeful. Downside: Makes you look neurotic, too smart for your own good.
The Bloom is Off the Rose: Chances are, all the open-armed acceptance of love's complexities won't guarantee you bliss forever after, and soon you'll find yourself plotting an escape route. Drop hints the subtle way: By bringing home a copy of the Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, the go-to film for anyone in the market for a good old-fashioned acerbic dose of love gone disturbingly, bitterly sour, courtesy of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Halfway through the film, the verbal slings and arrows and walls of acid-hate erected between the characters will make you wish the situation would just, for the love of all things holy, turn physically abusive — just to give everyone a mental break. Upside: The undesired partner is off like a prom dress, and it's all Netflix's fault. Downside: The film works too well, filling your significant other with a renewed sense of commitment and a sudden desire for couples therapy. (In which case, pop it in for a second watch — no one can survive more than one viewing.)
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