Sex, Lies and Videotape 

How to avoid the perils of the Internet

by Damian WinthropONLINE EXCLUSIVE: Dear Damian: I just read about former actress and playwright Tricia Walsh-Smith, who made a YouTube video railing against her husband, whom she's in the process of divorcing.

by Damian WinthropLove advice from the Scene's resident literary lotharioDear Damian: I just read about former actress and playwright Tricia Walsh-Smith, who made a YouTube video railing against her husband—Philip Smith, president of the Shubert Organization, the largest theater owner on Broadway—whom she's in the process of divorcing. In the video, she tells sordid details about their sex life (or lack thereof), and pretty much lambastes the guy, not that he doesn't have it coming. Does a man of the world such as yourself worry that your dirty laundry will get aired on the Internet by some scorned lover?Video VinceDear VV: Funny you should ask. This very issue has crossed my mind several times, long before this latest YouTube phenomenon. (By the way, the ever-so-humble Ms. Walsh-Smith titled her short film, “One More Crazy Day in the Life of a Phoenix Rising From the Ashes.”) Many past lovers have asked to record our intimate exploits on video, just so they could prove to their friends that they had landed such a prized catch. But I adamantly refused, knowing that they might post such videos on the Internet for bragging rights. Not to mention, once women the world over had witnessed my preternatural gifts, they'd be lining up at my door, begging for just an hour or two in my presence. And as it is now, my dance card is full through mid-2029.But being the eager explorer that I am, I have to confess to being turned on by the thought of starring in my own video. Fortunately for me, my current girlfriend is not only vivacious, uninhibited and extremely generous, but also very smart. To wit: As we lay in bed in the afterglow of one particularly torrid session, I told Lexxie about my fantasy, but also my apprehensions, given my high profile. She admitted it was a fantasy of hers also, and paused for a minute to think. “Eureka!” she exclaimed, then unveiled her ingenious plan to fulfill our desires while at the same time protecting me, a famed ladies' man, from becoming tabloid fodder (again).It was so brilliant in its simplicity that I giggle at the thought of it. “We both want to videotape ourselves having sex,” she said, “but you're fearful that, given your image and notoriety, it will wind up on the Internet. So why don't we set up the camera and lighting, draw up a little role-playing scenario—but we'll get someone else to play the role of you! That way we can indulge our whim, and there's no risk of you winding up on YouTube.”I can't believe I didn't think of it myself. And to think that, though she's hopelessly in love with me, she would be willing to give herself to another man who clearly lacks my extraordinary abilities, just to make our dream come true, practically moves me to tears. “That's terrific!” I shouted. “But who on earth could we get to do it?”Quick thinker that she is, she didn't even pause. “There's this guy Bobby, who's a trainer at my gym. He'd be perfect.”Well, needless to say, Bobby agreed to help us out with our task. And my always-eager-to-please Lexxie managed to feign the same ecstasy that she would have been experiencing from me...over and over again! She is such a trooper, and I must be the luckiest guy alive. She's even agreed to make more videos of “us” having sex if I like. Not to mention, she's suddenly so into staying fit and looking good for me that she's at the gym all hours of the day and night. Ahhhh, my little Lexxie. All men should be so lucky.Need advice from the world's greatest lover? Email damian@nashvillescene.com.

 

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