Purcell’s Desk Gets Pay Raise
Purcell’s Desk Gets Pay Raise; Salary agreement ends threatened holdout
Mayor Bill Purcell’s desk, which is arguably more popular than the mayor himself, is back for a new series of campaign ads—at a hefty increase in salary over its debut four years ago.
“Last time around, the desk basically worked for scale,” explains commercial director Lou DePalma, who helmed the popular spots. “I mean, who knew that a piece of office furniture would become such a big star?”
Four years ago, the desk starred in a series of campaign ads for Purcell’s election. The ads were meant to emphasize the candidate’s neighborhood focus, and the desk appeared in the mayor’s front yard to trump his connection to the sidewalk and pothole-oriented citizenry.
Since its debut, the desk has made an average of two public appearances per month, usually on weekends at events such as neighborhood fairs and high school football games.
“People crowd around and line up to get their picture made with the desk,” marvels one campaign observer. “It’s bizarre. What’s next—John Jay Hooker’s stapler throwing out the first pitch at a Sounds game?”
This popularity wasn’t lost on the desk, or on its agent, Simon Candelaria of the William Morris Agency.
“The desk was one of the key reasons for the success of the last campaign, and we simply asked for a salary in line with its importance,” the agent says. “We certainly knew that Purcell has the money—we all read about those fundraisers.”
“We were contacted early on that if we wanted the desk back, we were going to have to pay more than last time,” a source in the Purcell camp says. While nobody would talk on the record about specific numbers, it is known that the desk happily signed on for the current campaign without a threatened holdout.
“It’s not like the desk is James Gandolfini,” Candelaria says of the Sopranos star who held out for a higher salary earlier this year. “On the other hand, I don’t know if James Gandolfini could have gotten Purcell as many votes as the desk did.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)
“It’s not like the desk is James Gandolfini,” Candelaria says of the Sopranos star who held out for a higher salary earlier this year. “On the other hand, I don’t know if James Gandolfini could have gotten Purcell as many votes as the desk did.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)
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