Oh Say, Can Rudy See? 

Oh Say, Can Rudy See? Has an endorsement deal skewed his sportscast?

Has an endorsement deal skewed his sportscast?

Persnickety media critic types who have been objecting to Channel 4 sports anchor Rudy Kalis’ commercial deal with Dr. Ming Wang may have a point. Here’s a partial transcript from Monday’s WSMV-Channel 4 10 p.m. news:

Demetria Kalodimos: And now here’s Rudy Kalis with tonight’s sports. Nice looking sweater, Rudy.

Rudy Kalis: Thanks, Demetria. You know, the colors and patterns are so much more vivid to me now that I’ve had eye surgery by Dr. Ming Wang. So much of the texture and hue of the acrylic was lost to me, and I didn’t even know it. I tell you, this eye surgery was really something.

DK: That’s great, but is there any sports news tonight?

RK: You bet there is. There’s action in the NFL tonight, with the Steelers taking on the 49ers in San Francisco. They’re in the third quarter tied at 20-20. And speaking of 20-20, my vision is perfect for the first time in years since I had surgery by Dr. Ming Wang. I tell you, the guy is a miracle worker. Let’s go to the videotape—take a look at this punt return, with Arland Bruce of the ’Niners slicing through the Steeler defense—a little like the way Dr. Ming Wang used a laser to slice through my eyeballs to repair my vision.

Coach Jeff Fisher of the Titans is working hard to keep the team on the same page as they come down the home stretch of the season. He went out of his way in practice today to remind the Titans that they need to stay focused on the task at hand. Speaking of focus, if you want to keep your eyes focused on the task at hand, do what I did and put your eyes in the hands of Dr. Ming Wang. He’ll get you fixed up in no time!

Now to the NBA, where the big story continues to be 7-and-a-half-foot-tall Yao Ming. Look at him go. Man, not only can this guy score, he can really pound the glasses at both ends. I personally haven’t needed glasses since I went to see another Ming—Dr. Ming Wang. I can even read the whopping endorsement paycheck I got from the Wang Vision Institute without glasses.

Demetria?

DK: Another eye-opening sports report from Rudy Kalis. Now let’s go live to Dan Miller, who is in his urologist’s office, and we’re all waiting to hear how that big exam went.... Dan?

(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)

DK: Another eye-opening sports report from Rudy Kalis. Now let’s go live to Dan Miller, who is in his urologist’s office, and we’re all waiting to hear how that big exam went.... Dan?

(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)

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