Neel’s Career Picks Up 

New Dean manager also hires on to help Shoney’s, Kmart and Harding Mall

New Dean manager also hires on to help Shoney’s, Kmart and Harding Mall

Roy Neel, erstwhile aide to former Vice President Al Gore who last week began trying to turn around the fortunes of presidential candidate Howard Dean, has also signed on to help several businesses that are going through Dean-like experiences.

In a whirlwind of announcements last week, Neel showed his interest in trying to resurrect institutions with fallen reputations.

His first post-Dean announcement set the tone: “I have been eating at Shoney’s at least weekly my whole life,” Neel said, announcing that he has agreed to quarterback the attempted comeback of the once-powerful restaurant chain.

“We need to get our edge back, to take on the leaders and, if we have to, go negative on Ruby Tuesday’s and TGI Friday’s,” Neel said. “And I don’t want to rule out bringing back the Big Boy.”

That was followed quickly by Neel’s hiring on as the PR consultant for the beleaguered Kmart Corp. to help direct that discounter’s attempted comeback. Neel said he knew the task facing him wouldn’t be easy.

“We’re not facing Kerry, we’re facing Wal-Mart,” Neel told reporters gathered at Kmart’s Troy, Mich., headquarters. “But I know that Howard—excuse me, I mean, Kmart, can do it.”

Neel’s comeback planning isn’t limited to national politics or nationally known businesses. Last week he also agreed to act as a consultant for Harding Mall, the tiny shopping center that conventional wisdom says has been displaced by the larger regional malls.

“I see Harding Mall as a place that, with proper management and the right retailers, could regain its edge,” Neel said.

All of Neel’s new clients occupy retail space at the corner of Harding Place and Nolensville Road, known to locals as “The crossroads of doomed retail.”

Plans were under way at press time for Dean to have lunch at Shoney’s and shop for a birthday gift for his wife at Harding Mall, followed by a rally at the Kmart parking lot next Monday before the Tennessee primary on Tuesday.

(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)

Plans were under way at press time for Dean to have lunch at Shoney’s and shop for a birthday gift for his wife at Harding Mall, followed by a rally at the Kmart parking lot next Monday before the Tennessee primary on Tuesday.

(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)

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