Making Your Own Picnic
Since odds are slim that you'll even glimpse a pony from your tailgating slot in the infield at the Steeplechase, it's critical that you get the food right. Otherwise, let's face it, you're just sunburned in a funny hat, without so much as a sandwich, stumbling through a phalanx of SUVs, hoping to find a Port-a-John. Hardly the social event of the year, when you think of it like that. So, before you load up the Tahoe, let's have a little talk about picnic food.
When preparing for a day at the races (remember, that's what will be going on around you—horses with very small, and often English, people on top of them careening at break-neck speed in a mile-and-a-half loop somewhere beyond the margarita ice luge), it's good to keep in mind the following organizing principles.
Organizing Principle No. 1: no glass allowed. For the safety of everyone involved, people and horses (yes, there will be horses somewhere in the distance; see above), glass containers are strictly verboten. You can bring your MGD Lite in a keg or cans, but sister, you're gonna need to put your Zima in a Thermos. You might as well use this opportunity to break out some refreshing cocktails that can be mixed in a cooler and served in Solo cups. Think mint juleps, mojitos, Pimm's or whisky sours. Whatever your poison, be sure to bring plenty of water and lemonade for the designated driver. Someone's gotta get you outta there, and you don't want it to be Metro's finest.
Organizing Principle No. 2: mayonnaise kills. OK, maybe it's not the mayonnaise so much as the meat you mix it with that goes septic in the sun, but either way, there's nothing more disgusting than a hot meat salad congealing in Tupperware on the bed of an F-150. Stick with foods that can handle heat: turkey and ham sandwiches on yeast rolls with mustard; peeled shrimp on a bed of ice (expensive, but they won't sit around long enough to go bad); a bag of Krystals—buy them piping hot and stick 'em in the trunk.
Organizing principle No. 3: Think ahead. This is a euphemism for "pack munchies." College kids, help the middle-aged folks out here. Prepare all the crustless 'cress sandwiches you want, but by the fifth race and as many trips to the ice luge, you're going to be jonesing for a family-size bag of Pepperidge Farm anything. Be warned, there's no vending allowed in the infield.
That's about all you need to know to pack for a day at the races. So, grab your cooler, some sunscreen and a funny hat. And don't forget your driver's license. You might have to show it if you plan to drink a few cocktails, and if you don't have valid ID, you might just have to sit and watch the horses.
— Carrington Fox
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