A group of local rodents appears in a new advertisement questioning John Kerry's behavior during the rescue of a family hamstera story recounted in great detail by his daughter Alexandra during a speech last month at the Democratic National Convention.
In the speech, Alexandra Kerry told the sad tale of Licorice the hamster, who had his cage knocked off a pier by an overeager dog. She recalled that her dad jumped into the water, fished the cage up with an oar, and even bent over the soggy rodent performing whatever version of CPR could be improvised on a hamster.
"Sure, Kerry wants to be the hero," says Skeets, a sewer rat who speaks in the new anti-Kerry ad. "But if he had pulled Licorice up right away Licorice would be alive today. He must have hesitated, and that hesitation took away Licorice far too young." A tear trickles down the rat's whiskers.
Somehow, the makers of the advertisement, a group called Rodents for Reality, have assembled a group of rats, mice, gerbils, hamsters, moles and guinea pigs, all of whom have real issues with Kerry's alleged heroism as regards Licorice.
"Alexandra Kerry is spinning this like crazy," says Button, a brown-and-white guinea pig with an angry glint in his eye. "What were these Kerrys doing putting Licorice's cage on a dock where it might get knocked in the water?"
As hazy video shows a slow-motion reenactment of a cage sinking in murky water, Button's voice continues: "If it had been a child knocked off that pier, Kerry would have been charged with reckless endangerment. But because it was 'only' a hamster, he's a big hero for trying to save him."
Republican leaders have joined the rodents in demanding details on what they are calling "hamstergate."
"The death of Licorice should be fully explained by the Kerry campaign," says local GOP leader Sue Rankin. "It's tragic that this pet ended up dying, allegedly because of Kerry's slow response. President Bush loves animals, and I know would have acted decisively if a pet was threatened.
"We had nothing to do with this ad," Rankin adds.
(The Fabricator is satire. Don't believe everything you read.)
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