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July 05, 2001 News » Features

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When Dr. Carol Johnson turned down the Metro school board’s invitation to become the next superintendent, panic set in among board members. What if Pedro Garcia declined as well? The $190,000 salary offer and benefits package were firm, so the board wanted to be sure Mr. Garcia was aware of some of the unspecified incentives associated with the job offer. The Scene obtained the following list of perks faxed to Garcia shortly after Dr. Johnson declined the job:

♦ With a name like Garcia, it’ll be especially easy to get a new Tennessee driver’s license

♦ We’ve reinstituted capital punishment, so corporal punishment can’t be far behind

♦ Thursday’s lunch: Sloppy Joes

♦ The right to “commandeer” any overhead projector

♦ Unlimited access to the sex education video library

♦ Dealers offer you a higher grade of snortable Ritalin

♦ Forget snow days, we have “flurry days”!

♦ That delightful institutional disinfectant smell

♦ Danger pay bonuses

♦ Excellent field-trip opportunities such as the Firestone plant and the Tennessee Pride reclamation facility

♦ Our longstanding tradition of rational discourse and compromise between the school board and the teachers’ unions

♦ You can demand a note from the parents of any Nashvillian for any reason at any time

♦ It ain’t that tough to get kids prepared for Tennessee’s public colleges and universities

♦ Frequent contact with an audience receptive to your many humorous Carson Daly references

♦ All kinds of free stuff from Ingram Book Co. around textbook reordering time

♦ Chalk kickbacks

♦ Dibs on the seesaw

♦ All the paste you can eat

♦ The respect and admiration given all those in Nashville’s education community

—By Jonathan Harwell Jr.

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