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Thank goodness—for the real Irish among us and the amateurs too—that St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Saturday this year. Such timing has given Mayor Bill Purcell the chance to contemplate a vast array of civic celebratory opportunities:

♦ Mandating sensitivity training toward leprechauns for all Metro employees

♦ Dying the Cumberland River a brighter shade of green (it’s already green, but that’s sewage)

♦ Hosting a civic, multicultural St. Patty’s Day celebration at the arena, de-emphasizing the holiday’s Irish beginnings but nevertheless offering up as much Surge as revelers want

♦ Staging a parade around the new Music Row roundabout

♦ Designating the south end of Nashville the city’s Irish neighborhood

♦ Encouraging beer drinking within 100 feet of every church and beer sales within 100 feet of every school

♦ Putting corned beef and cabbage on the menu at Metro schools Friday

♦ Calling Metro Finance Director David Manning “Laddie” for an entire week

♦ Leading a singing round of “McNamara’s Band” at Kirkpatrick Elementary

♦ Designating the shamrock the official Nashville plant

♦ Offering tax incentives to breweries with dollar-a-pint night

♦ Raising the DUI blood-alcohol level from .08 to .8

♦ Installing Port-a-Porcelain-Gods at every corner

♦ Staging a live performance of The Quiet Man at the Belcourt, starring Reba McEntire and Vince Gill

♦ Hosting a football match at the O’Delph

♦ Sponsoring true redheads’ night at Hooters

♦ Booking Sinead O’Connor at AmSouth Amphitheater or Rick and Bubba reading Dylan Thomas at the Belcourt

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