The recent popularity of the all-meat Atkins diet has inspired a little entrepreneurship here at the Scene, especially during this foodie holiday time. We’ve come up with the idea of a line of all-meat vegetable substitutes targeted to dieters who miss the taste of vegetables but are unwilling to sacrifice the health benefits of an all-meat diet. Promotional spots for the company—we propose to call it Carnecopia—could state its mission in no uncertain terms: “We put the leg in legumes.” Here are some potential products:

♦ Squashage

♦ Carnalope

♦ Watermutton

♦ Beefsteak tomatoes

♦ Zoocchini

♦ Popcarne

♦ Crabbage

♦ Baby carrots

♦ Sealery

♦ Clamentine

♦ Prawnmegranate

♦ Starfish fruit

♦ Lamboo shoots

♦ Hearts of palm

♦ Escargole

♦ Hammydew melon

♦ Legplant

♦ Asparaguts

♦ Leechy fruit

♦ Muskox melon

♦ Shallops

♦ Cher-veal

♦ Porksimmon

♦ Kangarhubarb

♦ Chick peas

♦ Bratscoli

♦ Swiss charred (steak)

♦ Loinion

♦ Blood oranges

—by Chris Davis


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