You were rejected trick-or-treating. You were shunned at the Halloween party. You bought the last costume on the floor at Wal-Mart. You made it yourself, and no one helped. These are all signs you sported one of the least popular Halloween costumes this year. You most likely went as one of the following:

Wen Ho Lee

♦ Dennis Miller

♦ Brad “Paparazzo” Schmitt

♦ Dr. Laura, that self-righteous wench

♦ Bucky, the cowboy who’s low on ointment

♦ Firestone factory worker

♦ Ray Jay Johnson

♦ Abdominal cramps

♦ Guy who accidentally let the dogs out

♦ Guy with a “kick me” sign on his back

♦ Guy who keeps hitting on your date

♦ Jeff Clark

♦ Rick Lazio

♦ Al Gore on the cover of Rolling Stone (pre-airbrushing)

♦ Emmett Turner

♦ A. J. Suggs

♦ Philip Workman

♦ Halitosis

♦ Putrid custard

♦ Sturm und Drang

♦ Sir Yodels-a-Lot

♦ Overanxious Heimlich maneuver man

♦ A major-league ass#$%^

—By Jonathan Harwell Jr.


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