List
Music City euphemisms for death:
♦ Pushing up kudzu
♦ Bought the farm only to have it condemned for the 840 loop, cheap subdivision condos, and mall development
♦ Touring with the Gatlins
♦ Riding the electric barcolounger
♦ Keyed a Camaro at Denim ’n’ Diamonds
♦ Roadie for Jesus
♦ Failed to chart
♦ All “Freak”ed up
♦ In special session
♦ The toast of Branson
♦ Third string for the Kats
♦ Ate and drank but wasn’t wary
♦ Set up shop at Fountain Square
♦ Crushed by his own belt buckle
♦ Retiring on Shoney’s dividends
♦ Inoculated against oxygen
♦ Vaccinated against vitality
♦ Thanks to the state, had all his shots
♦ Masterminded the Chris Gaines album
♦ Piloting the Screamin’ Delta Demon
♦ Runnin’ third behind John Jay
♦ Wearing a gold “V” in the SEC
♦ Relocated to Twitty City
♦ Shopping at H. G. Hill’s
♦ Prime Time dead
♦ Exhumation ready
♦ Especially syphilitic
♦ KDF-ed over
♦ Grandpa Jonesin’
♦ In exceptionally light rotation
♦ Bit the big funnel cake
♦ Covered by TennCare
♦ Dixie stiff
— by Jonathan Harwell Jr.
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