Is there anything more lovely than a summer bride? With wedding season in full swing, you may find yourself attending a beautiful ceremony celebrating a young couple’s nuptials. But beware these signs you’re at a bad wedding:

♦ The cake is five tiers of lime Jello.

♦ The photographer is Larry Flynt.

♦ Instead of “Here Comes the Bride,” that wrestling announcer just shouts, “Let’s get ready to rumble!!!”

♦ Tommy Tutone is the entertainment but he refuses to play “867-5309.”

♦ “I now pronounce you McMillan and wife.”

♦ Three words: crotchless bridal gown.

♦ Someone spikes the punch with more punch.

♦ Instead of rice, the guests throw lawn darts.

♦ Instead of rice, the guests throw Stove Top Stuffing.

♦ Instead of rice, the guests throw Viagra.

♦ After “you may kiss the bride” the minister adds, “and when you’re through there, Chester, I’d like a shot at her.”

♦ You’re seated between talent scouts for Springer and Sally.

♦ Everywhere you look—rented monkeys.

♦ Instead of “Just Married,” the bride and groom leave in a car that says “Gettin’ some.”

♦ Instead of a bouquet, the bride throws a nest of angry wasps.

♦ The father of the bride gives his daughter away then offers his wife for $50 an hour.

♦ “I, Siegfried, take thee, Roy....”

—Jonathan Harwell Jr.

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