Looking into our crystal ball, we predict the following news events in the year 2000:

♦ Gov. Don Sundquist calls another special legislative session and scales back his tax-reform package yet again. This time, he asks only for a $1 tax to be paid by each adult male wearing gold chains who enters the Deja Vu nightclub.

♦ Lawmakers refuse to vote on this new plan and abruptly adjourn. At a press conference, the governor twitches uncontrollably after WSMV-Channel 4’s Dennis Ferrier asks, “Isn’t it easier to tax striptease joints than it is to fix the budget?”

♦ The Tennessee Family Institute releases a report calling for a state program to euthanize kittens and recommending that former TennCare director Brian Lapps direct the new agency.

♦ Mayor Bill Purcell refuses to give an opinion on whether the sound of birds singing in the woods is a good thing. But he releases a statement reading: “You know what I think about birds singing in the woods. I think what you think. This is a vital issue, and my sense is that there is a desire by all involved to get to the bottom of it.”

♦ The Metro Council passes a resolution urging Nashville to observe the Fourth of July on the Eighth of July, moving the holiday from a weekday to the weekend. Council member Lynn Williams explains that the sound of exploding fireworks might awaken children and make them sleepy in school the next day.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Recent Comments

Sign Up! For the Scene's email newsletters

* required

All contents © 1995-2015 City Press LLC, 210 12th Ave. S., Ste. 100, Nashville, TN 37203. (615) 244-7989.
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of City Press LLC,
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Powered by Foundation