List
Over the past two weeks, police in Lawrence County have uprooted over 60,000 marijuana plants, some over 15 feet tall. Police then disposed of the plants by burning them. Downwind, effects on the community were felt immediately:
♦ Area teenagers drove to Brentwood to look at crop circles, couldn’t find Brentwood.
♦ Waffle House patrons ordered hash browns scattered, smothered, covered, diced, chunked, and topped.
♦ Backyard dogs stopped barking, chilled out.
♦ Local viewers started criticizing local news programming as “too harsh.”
♦ Pizza delivery businesses experienced a sudden rise in orders.
♦ Teens played Vince Gill/ Patty Loveless duet backwards, discovered it was a chant to Satan.
♦ High-school students stopped cheating on math tests because “the teacher just knew.”
♦ Local drugstores experienced a surge in Visine sales.
♦ People started driving better and enunciating every word.
♦ Kids became quiet in church, clergy stared at pretty colors in the stained glass.
♦ Viewers found Crook & Chase unspeakably funny.
♦ Catholics took two wafers at Communion.
♦ Shoppers went to Kroger, forgot to buy food.
♦ School officials approved tie-dye for school uniform.
♦ The high-school football team changed its name to the “Dancing Bears.”
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