Life is all bunnies and Nuks when you're an adult baby
by Lindsay Ferrier
Don't be fooled by the commercials. Babies are filthy little creatures.
Their spit-up will absolutely ruin every last one of your shirts. The color, consistency and volume of their poop (and the uses they're able to find for it when left "napping" in their cribs) will horrify you. The distance and range they are able to spew vomit may very well have you consulting both an exorcism manual and a 24-hour crime cleanup crew.
After tending to babies for close to six years, I've come to two conclusions. One is that love truly does conquer all, because despite my aversion to all things icky, I can catch my children's vomit in my hands and scrape their two-day-old poo out from under my fingernails without flinching. The other is that there's a reason our memories all start somewhere around 3 years old—we block out the early years because they're just too damn disgusting.
The idea, then, that an adult would want to revisit that time—to wear diapers again and drink from a bottle and be totally at the mercy of others—pretty much blows my mind. So when I got an email out of the blue from a self-professed "adult baby," I did what any rational columnist would do. I interviewed him.
"Bella," as he's known in the online world, is a 24-year-old heterosexual male. If you happened to see him out and about, he'd look and act just like everyone else. But at home, it's another matter.
"Generally, I play the role of a toddler age 2-3," he told me. "I wear cute clothes, suck on a pacifier, drink from a bottle, cuddle with my stuffed animals and play with dolls. I wear a bib and eat with my hands. I love to play with crayons, and can draw some excellent stick people. To an extent it is a full-time thing for me. I wear diapers to bed every night, not because I need them, but because I want to. When I have adult things to do around my apartment, I often just go about them as normal but in my diapers and baby attire."
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a person could get enjoyment out of attempting to replicate the baby life, which is about the most boring thing I can think of. But Bella is far from alone. Once he started poking around on the Internet, he found a sizable online community of men and even a few women who enjoy doing the very same thing. In his real life, though, he's only told a few close friends about his habit, and has even managed to find a woman who's agreed to "babysit" him from time to time.
"She does not interact with me as adult to adult, but rather in the way that a babysitter would with a toddler," he explained to me. "She makes me dinner and helps me eat, makes sure I get a bottle if I need one, plays with me, keeps an eye on me to make sure I behave, and generally just tends to my needs. While she visits my home for this type of activity, she becomes the authority figure. She makes the rules. Things like throwing food may result in a timeout. All in all it is very innocent role playing."
That's right—innocent. Bella insists that for him and many others, playing baby isn't some weird sexual fetish. In fact, those who do get sexual pleasure out of the practice focus almost exclusively on the diaper element and go by another title entirely: Diaper Lovers.
"To the best of my ability, I function and think as a young child," Bella said. "My mind goes away from being focused on adult things like sex, money and responsibility. Rather, my thoughts are consumed by far more important choices such as: Should I use the pink crayon or the green one? What is softer, my stuffed bunny or this pillow? Should I have milk or apple juice? My focus shifts from the horribly frustrating adult world to the simple and easy life of a child. My biggest concern is giving and receiving innocent love; my biggest fear is time out. My biggest joy is making 'Mommy' proud and knowing she is smiling because of something I did."
I try my best to stay open-minded about Bella's lifestyle because he honestly seems like a nice guy, albeit one who's going to have a hell of a time finding a girlfriend. I mean, his situation really takes the "There's something I haven't shared with you" conversation to a whole new level.
But according to Bella, you might have met an adult baby and not even known it. "The majority of us are very normal and productive members of society," he said. "We go to school, we work, we socialize and we pay our taxes. We stand in line with you at the post office, the DMV, the grocery store and the movie theater."
Think about that the next time you're out shopping.
On second thought... don't.
Read more Suburban Turmoil at www.suburbanturmoil.com.
Email editor@nashvillescene.com.
Comments (22)
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I'm not really going to focus on how much this kind of creeps me out that someone my age wants to relive the toddler years. Instead, I'm just going to continue to wonder WHY. Is it that the "adult" world outside the house is so stressful and that the people who do this are so unhappy that they feel they need to revert to a simpler time in their lives? Is this just an overblown version of escapism? I can't imagine this kind of thing being my escape of choice, mostly because I had really never considered there were people out there that did this in reality, but I think there may be some kind of psychological reasoning underpinning this behavior. I mean, it's not exactly "normal" (Although, what IS normal?) to want to wear a diaper around the house all night. Although, it would make things a little easier by not having to take bathroom breaks... :) www.literarilyspeaking1.blogspot.com
the only time i've ever felt the need to wear diapers is when i am at the movies watching an action/adventure/thriller and have 32 oz of diet coke happening. not gonna leave to pee. not gonna do it. but the whole adult baby thing?? who knew there was a whole community of them? i find babies annoying enough. but for an adult to show a lack of attention span, abject selfishness and self absorption? yikes. i'm running away with my hair on fire. http://www.kimbowid.blogspot.com
That's interesting. I'm interested in reading the entire interview on your blog. It seems kind of strange mix of being a toddler and adult because he's still reading blogs at home and toddlers don't do that. There are some interesting people in this world and I'm sure he'll find some girl that accepts him for who he is and is totally okay with it. Maybe they'll even participate too. http://kaitlinnelson.blogspot.com
Wow. That is just so... odd? I have to admit it kind of nauseates me. I don't know why, I just find it so repulsive for a grown man (or woman) to want that. That being said, I guess I do applaud him for his honesty and as odd as it is, it's very interesting. Thanks for sharing this interview with us Lindsay... I think. citymommacountrymomma.blogspot.com
somewhere in the middle of your article i had the passing thought that it might be nice not to think about adult responsibilities and just wonder whether to use the pink or green crayon. then i shuddered and realized i have no desire whatsoever to become an adult baby for any length of time. i pretty much just want to be able to nap during the day...but i'll keep my panties on, thank you very much! myattkids.blogspot.com
Wow. I find this shocking and creepy! I guess the only thing I find really positive about this as a life choice is that it takes the wanna-be-babies out of hiding (perhaps) and into the open? In my pre-married days I dated a lot of likely closeted babies. I moved on and finally found my very grown-up to marry. We can't wait until our last baby is out of diapers. And I think she feels the same way. http://jacoblawrencenewman.blogspot.com/
I love it when people figure out what's right for them and live their lives with joy and gusto. Obviously, we're a free society and can voice our opinions. But what saddened me was the lack of coherent thought in the comments section thus far. Several people said that they found it odd or creepy or nauseating but they "didn't know why". It makes me think that before you criticize someone else's lifestyle (and you KNOW how much it hurts be on the receiving end of hurtful comments like that), at least take the time to articulate your thinking. There's not much room for discussion when the only comment is "How weird!" or "I am shocked!" People think "Well, *I* wouldn't do it. Therefore I cannot understand it." There's just no logic to that thinking, and I really think that refusal to try to understand other people keeps us from being fully human. You don't have to like something. But it just seemed that Lindsay wrote about something in a fairly objective way, and this could be a great opportunity to learn about something new and have a valuable conversation about it. A commenter wrote (and I am paraphrasing b/c I can't see the original post while commenting) "Who would want to be that selfish and self-absorbed?" I would argue that we are all selfish and self-absorbed more than we're willing to admit. Far too often it comes out in passive-aggressiveness or gossip or snapping at our partners or commenting that something makes you nauseated or shocked without even considering how painful that must be to read. Because it IS self-absorbed to post a callous knee-jerk reaction. You don't need to love Bella or his lifestyle. But damn, whatever happened to smart dialogue and constructive opinion sharing? I think this guy has it figured out. He's an adult and he's a child. And he doesn't mix his worlds up. Therefore, he is less likely to be the kind of husband who pretends not to know his way around a washing machine. His girlfriend is less likely to make snarky comments when he pisses her off. Most adults don't figure that out. So we often act like children, even if we don't want to look at it that way. These comments sound an awful lot like kids. You know how they blurt out some horrible comment without thinking how the "fat lady" might feel? Yeah, there's too much of that here. I'd rather date someone who acted like an adult when I needed him to and is able to show a vulnerable side when he needs to. Helluva lot less messy, people. And for those who wonder if they dated closeted babies, I would say that's unlikely. Probably you weren't very emotionally evolved at the time, and so you were attracted to other people who were the same. Healthy people attract other healthy people. And by healthy I don't mean "fits into a tidy little box." I mean that you love what is really you and you face your challenges and you grow. Will Bella find the right woman? Of course. Again, say what you want to say about his lifestyle. But say it with grace, compassion, and with an eye to expanding your universe. Don't divide people into "us" and "them." You don't need to change your mind. You don't need to love everything indiscriminately. But you do need to realize that "unusual" does not mean "creepy" and that we ALL want the same thing: to be happy. He's working hard at his life and he was brave enough to do this interview. Let's embrace the same kind of courage and when you write in a comment, make sure it's something you'd be okay with reading about yourself.
As a mom, I cannot imagine WHY anyone would want to regress, even for "innocent role playing." But to each his own... liberty www.16ballsintheair.blogspot.com
What I love about the Internet is that I'm always finding things that I knew nothing about. Not things that I need to understand better, like the Israel/Palestine conflict or things that I never cared to delve into, like the proper time to boil corn. But things that I never even imagined taking place in this world I live in. Thanks for the interview, both of you. motherreader.com
Wow - comment to Joe - I was all set to ignore your long statement because I usually don't read long comments but yours was worth it, very good points. I was also of the mind to dismiss this lifestyle as another strange fetish but I have to admit you made some good points. Thanks for bringing your insight to the table. And to Lindsay - wow girl, you are fearless. Is there no topic left unturned? http://sprocketswife.blogspot.com/
Ok, when I first clicked on your blog and read "Big Baby" as the title, I totally thought it was going to be about your husband having the flu or something. :) The only reason this didn't totally shock me is because I saw something like this on an episode of CSI once... http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com
I was really surprised that he was able to find an adult woman who was willing to babysit him. I also wondered if he had a girlfriend/love interest and if so, what does she think of this activity?
Cardiogirl: Girlfriends come and go, as is common with young college students in their 20s. When I do have a love interest, I generally curb the amount of time I spend playing and spent more time out doing adult things like going out for drinks, dinners and concerts. I have not ever told one of them about this, and am very skilled at hiding it when I need to be. I lived with two room mates for two years and they have no idea. Joe: Thank you very much for your wonderful comment. Initially I was worried that I was throwing myself to the sharks by doing this whole thing, but I decided that if I was open to speak honestly, the comments can truly only speak of the people who post them. After all, the only things you know about me are what I have told Lindsay. I appreciate, Joe, that you seem to understand that I am much more than what is presented here. Thank you all for reading this and at least giving it some thought. For those of you who are nauseated by me, I offer you tums, some ginger and a mirror to remind yourself how strange YOU are.
"For those of you who are nauseated by me, I offer you tums, some ginger and a mirror to remind yourself how strange YOU are." Hahaha Touche, Bella.
I think it's perfectly OK for people to express their knee-jerk reactions to this (and any) topic. If someone is nauseated by this or creeped out by it, they have every right to say so. It's no different from someone else expressing their full support and acceptance. Let's be honest——the behavior described in this article is not normal. I think Bella knows this, seeing as he said he keeps it hidden from certain people. It's weird. That may be hurtful for him and some other people to hear, but that's what I think. I think it's weird for any adult to want to wear diapers and soil them (and fantasize about having someone else change them). I think it's weird that this guy has a babysitter. I think it's weird that he willingly reverts to this stage of life. Perhaps it is an extreme form of escapism. There's (obviously) a lot of thought and planning that goes into carrying out the behavior. There must be something driving this behavior that's more severe than a simple desire to let go of adult concerns. Go ahead and me the mirror. I'll admit I've got some strange habits, but they've got nothing on this.
I do not profess to be normal. Normal would be boring. Though I am far from alone. I present William Windsor. http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2009-02-05/news/baby-man-william-windsor-found-dead-in-home/
Adults wearing diapers isn't as unusual as you people might think, you just haven't been exposed to that world. A google search for adult babies would reveal many thousands, perhaps millions of web pages devoted to the infantilistic lifestyle. I am also an adult baby in my spare time. But I am also married to an open minded wife and I work a full time job during the week, (which usually makes the weekend the only time that I can do my diaper stuff). The sensation of being put into diapers & a cute babyish outfit (like shortalls or footed pajamas) is wonderful. I highly recommend that everyone stop being so judgmental and give it a try themselves, and the only reason you won't is you think you'll like it or be found out and some horrible falling out in your family will occur... blah blah. Quit acting like you're so superior because you're "normal", even though we're all unique in some manner.
Hey there I am a adult Baby I wear diaper all the time I nurse a baby bottle all the time and I play like a baby Yes your right about baby in a way but on the another side of being a adult baby you can play with him or her with the toy feed the baby and be in change of all his or his life aas a adult baby My email is jerryscott@msn.com I would love to hear your comments about me Your Diaper Baby Friend Jerry Scott
I just stumbled across this web site and though I'd chime in. I'm a middle age wife going on thirty years of marraige. My husband has been what you would call a daddy since he was in middle school. He told me about all his experiences in babying women before we got married. I've even met a couple of them. Before we were married I kept waiting for him to want to baby me. It made me kind of nervous because I wasn't sure how I would really react. I tried wearing a diaper when he wasn't home but hated it. He never brought it up so I just kept quiet. After that we started our own family and as most people, we got very busy. Our alone time was very minimal. But one night a couple of years later we had some play time together and the subject came up. That night I got diapered, fed and rocked like a baby. He even bathed me which I did love. So the new twist in our relationship began. My husband would baby me from time to time when we were alone of course. Some of it I liked and some I just tollerated. Now that the kids are grown up and on their own our daddy- baby girl relationship has gone full time, but not without problems. My career had taken off and I became a upper management executive with my thriving company. Being in such a demanding position at work and an infant at home had me so screwed up I didn't know if I should call a meeting or wet myself. But as time went on I was able to separate the two life-styles and make both work. I got used to wearing diapers and I'm in them 24/7 now and have been for ten years. I have no responsibility at home, only at work. Everything is handed to me at home, I don't cook or clean, only play and make messes that daddy cleans up. I do have to work on the computer sometimes for my job but when daddy says stop, I stop, or its punishment time, and daddy doesn't believe in time out. I get spanked every so often. Another advantage to getting babied is daddy controls what I eat and how much I exercise. I considered myself a little overweight after our kids were born but all that extra weight went away when daddy started feeding me. All my food is mashed and my bottle milk is skim. I can fit into a large baby diaper now which I only wear outside the house. He puts cloth on me with plastic pants at home. Going out into public wearing a diaper was hard to deal with even though it was covered. You feel like everyone is staring at your mid section but I just listened to daddy and it became normal. On warm days I get to play out in the sandbox in the back yard in just a shirt and diaper and I get naps on weekends. Well this got way too long so I would be happy to hear your comments or answer questions at thedoctora75@yahoo.com-Kris
