In the first of what we hope will become a regular feature, the Scene offers a new dating and lifestyles advice column designed to help you, the reader, navigate the minefields of today's singles scene. Who better to make sense of this changing world than the state Senate's unchanging fixture, Lt. Gov. John Wilder? Relax and tell your troubles to John.
Dear John: I have worked for two years with a co-worker I'll call Randy. We've always been friendly, but lately he's been buying me gifts of lingerie and hinting that his girlfriend doesn't understand him. Am I wrong to think he's hot for me? And what should I do, since someone else is involved?
Dear Confused: I'm speaker of the Senate, and I like to be speaker of the Senate, and as long as I'm speaker of the Senate and the Senate is the Senate, I want to be speaker. And when the Senate is not the Senate, I don't want to be speaker. That's the way I am. Thanks for writing.
Dear John: For Thanksgiving, my girlfriend took me to meet her parents. Bad move. They wanted me to say grace and I had to tell them I'm an atheist. Plus I don't eat meat. It went downhill from there. I really like this girl, so I'm wondering: Should I try more to fit in with her family?
Dear Perturbed: I don't see why it's necessary...a written contract if it's not a marriage. I'm not opposed to people living together, two or three men or two or three women as long as sex is not a part of it. I know that people have their disposition and can't help it. I still don't think that's the right thing to do. If it's sex-driven, I don't think that's in tune with nature. Thanks for writing.
Dear John: This is totally embarrassing, but I have this painful rectal itch that forces me to squirm around a lot in public. I don't want people thinking I'm a spaz, but I also don't want to be the butt (ha ha) of every office joke. Should I be up front about my rear condition?
Uncomfortable, Belle Meade
Dear Uncomfortable: When I know what the law is, I'll try to do what the law says. Thanks for writing.
Dear John: My nutty uncle continues to work every day, even though he has clearly lost his marbles and everyone makes fun of him. They even take what he says out of context and laugh at how dopey his statements are. How should I go about telling him?
Dear Concerned: There is order in the cosmos. You have to abide by the order of the universe. You can't have something for nothing but you should have something for something. Some people don't know that. Thanks for writing.
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