Last-minute gifts for the Titan on everyone's list 

Christmas is a time of giving. And yes, usually it is better to give than to receive, except that the Tennessee Titans did the majority of their giving back in September and October when they started off 0-6.

That the team has any playoff hopes left as we enter the holiday season is a Festivus miracle of sorts in its own right. So, it's time that we get into a little bit of the Christmas spirit — albeit with tongue firmly in cheek — by handing out some stocking stuffers and presents under the tree for the Titans.

Obviously, at the top of the Titans' Christmas wish list is a playoff berth, and though the Titans say they are trying not to think about such farfetched things, it's really the only thing that could make the Titans' holiday complete.

If the Titans do get that playoff berth, then a part of it, no doubt, will have to come gift-wrapped courtesy of teams like Baltimore, Jacksonville, Miami and others who have to lose the exact right combination of games against the exact right combination of opponents to enhance the Titans chances and erase the scary memories left by the Ghost of Losses Past.

But even as a playoff berth is first on the list of what the Titans want from Santa, there are plenty of other things we can get for a team that has been through nearly any and everything anyone could have possibly imagined for the 2009 season.

For Coach Jeff Fisher, who already has proudly donned his Peyton Manning Indianapolis Colts jersey in wanting "to feel like a winner," we'll add even more to his NFL clothing collection, showering him with jerseys of the other AFC South quarterbacks as well.

That Matt Schaub Houston Texans jersey is sure to be a big seller this year. And Fisher could even wear his sporty teal David Garrard Jaguars shirt to his home away from home in Jacksonville.

I would say he could blend in with the crowd there, but that might be tough, considering there's not much crowd to blend in with.

And let's not forget to get Fisher his very own No. 10 Vince Young jersey in Titans two-tone blue. Twice now in four years, Young has come in and helped spark the Titans after an 0-fer start. So it's the least we can do.

For former general manager Floyd Reese, a GPS tracking device to help him better keep up with his wife, Sally, who unbeknownst to him at the time, went on Nashville radio and stirred a hornet's nest by blasting the entire Titans organization.

Sally, to say the least, was unhappy with the way her husband was ousted from his job and said so in a loud and brazen manner. Also, we'll throw in a box of Tide for Sally to help with that dirty laundry.

For defensive tackle Tony Brown, the DVD set of the Complete Three Stooges Video Library. After all, it was Brown's personal foul eye-gouging attempt that cost the Titans 15 yards and three critical points at Indianapolis two weeks ago. If he's going to poke people in the eye, he might as well learn from the masters — Moe, Larry and Curly.

Also, we'll put a calculator in Brown's stocking as well, so he can add up the total of his fine from the NFL. Brown said the fine was $10,000 when the league admitted the next day it was really $20,000.

For linebacker Keith Bulluck, defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch, center Kevin Mawae and cornerback Nick Harper, a crystal ball to foresee their respective NFL futures. This quartet of 30-something veterans have all made a positive impact on the Titans' fortunes during their careers, but as free agents on the back side of their careers, how much longer they remain in Tennessee is anyone's guess.

For defensive end Jevon Kearse, who found out he was inactive before the Indianapolis home game and left the stadium to spend time with family and friends, a home theater system with surround sound.

That way, at least, if he decides to watch the game from the comforts of his living room, he can still get as close as possible to experiencing the sights and sounds he would have gotten viewing the game from the sideline.

For running backs Chris Johnson and LenDale White, a new nickname set to replace "Smash and Dash."

Johnson has taken over the lion's share of the carries this year and could be on his way to a 2,000-yard season with three games to play.

White, on the other hand, has become the forgotten man, even as he dedicated himself by shedding more than 30 pounds in the off-season. White can at least be a restricted free agent at season's end.

So, since a Smash and Dash breakup appears inevitable, how about "Starting and Soon Departing?"

And, finally, for owner Bud Adams, one Red Ryder BB Gun, just like Ralphie got in The Christmas Story. After all, what else would you get for a man who enjoys shooting birds so much?

Email editor@nashvillescene.com.

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