Help Wanted
The New Cars help redefine the rules on successful reunions
by Chris Parker
A singer’s voice and presence largely define a band, so his or her absence or departure is no small matter. Reunions further complicate the math. My father was still into Al Stewart, Steely Dan and Jackson Browne when new wave happened, so he didn’t discover The Cars’ music until I passed along a copy of the New Cars’ It’s Alive last year. The epitome of punchy keyboard-fueled new wave, The Cars were among the first to take advantage of Blondie’s pop beachhead, going to No. 3 on the Billboard pop charts with their self-titled ’78 debut and releasing five studio albums before breaking up in ’88. The group reunited in 2005 with Todd Rundgren replacing Ric Ocasek, and original members Elliot Easton and Greg Hawkes (bassist/singer Benjamin Orr died in 2000) as The New Cars.
But don’t call it a sellout. So Ocasek prefers his production career and supermodel wife Paulina Porizkova to a messy tour bus—can you blame him? Rundgren proves a very capable replacement and even adopts Ocasek’s intonation; they toss in a few new studio tracks and more than a dozen live versions of their many great songs, as well as Rundgren’s old Nazz classic, “Open My Eyes.” It’s far from embarrassing. My father’s enthusiasm for the album won me over, reminding me how good The Cars were and forcing a reevaluation of my Rules for Replacing Lead Singers. They are:
1. A dead frontman can only be replaced by special guests and only for tours lasting less than a year. (Hand in your spandex, INXS. Ditto Riders of the Storm. Special exemption for AC/DC.)
2. If your lead singer is a whiny bitch, you can kick him or her out, but you can’t invite a third singer until the first singer gets a second chance. (This is also known as the Gary Cherone Rule.) As a general rule, the second replacement is a turd, forcing a return to one of the first two singers. (Gary Cherone corollary. Also see: Anthrax, Iron Maiden.)
3. If the original singer refuses to tour in a reunion, he can be replaced by a singer of equal or greater stature. Currently in violation: Dead Kennedys, Culture Club.
4. In the case of death metal and screamo, vocalists may be replaced like drummers.
Failure to follow these rules will result in forfeiture of all credibility and a sentence to appear at the end of musical-related punch lines, like the reformed Misfits.
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