So this whole “War on Christmas” hubbub isn’t necessarily a new development. But thanks to media outlets like, oh … I don’t know, that one “Fair and Balanced” network my uncle seems to watch a lot, we’ve heard a great deal about it over the past decade or so. And it’s true: Saying the phrase “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” truly does take away from the true meaning of the season: an ancient, obese, mystical man soaring around the globe with the help of some mutated deer, breaking into our homes and leaving boatloads of mostly unneeded presents under what is typically a fake tree. (By the way, has anyone ever considered that the explanation for Santa Claus’ special powers just might be that he practices the dark arts? Think about it. Christine O’Donnell-style.) Whatever your affiliation — Christian, Jew, Muslim, atheist, Buddhist, Jedi — the fact is this: For one reason or another, every December, people (on the whole, anyway) start treating one another just a little bit nicer, and they think of their friends and families a little more than usual. That’s awesome. So if someone says to you, “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” or “Pleasant Kwanzaa” or whatever, is it really worth it to get your panties all bunched up? The holidays are allowed to mean to you whatever you like, but forcing people to use the same seasonal greeting as you seems to kind of defeat the purpose of that whole “Good will toward men” thing, don’t you think? No one’s trying to force you to say “Merry Christ-Mosque.” Besides, Christians still have the pure, unadulterated origins of Easter. I mean, it’s not like that one originated as some sort of festival praising a pagan fertility goddess. Am I right??