Sen. Bill Frist, who recently called for students to be taught “intelligent design” as well as evolution in schools, took the next logical step in a meeting of medical school officials last week in East Tennessee and called for the equal teaching of both the germ theory of disease and the demon theory outlined in the Bible.
“I think the time has come to teach ‘intelligent healing’ in medical schools,” the senator, who is also a Harvard-trained surgeon, told the nationwide meeting held in Gatlinburg.
“Some call it ‘faith healing,’ but that emphasizes the faith of the patient rather than the intelligence of the Being who is actually doing the healing,” Frist explained. “This way, medical students could make up their own minds about the best way to treat patients.”
At least one attendee at the meeting disagreed.
“There’s nothing wrong with spirituality or religion as part of medicine,” a medical school faculty member from Utah said, “but putting faith healing—oh, sorry, ‘intelligent healing’—on a footing with scientifically proven medicine is just nuts.
“When I’m sick, I want an antibiotic, not somebody trying to cast my sickness into a herd of swine. This is taking religious metaphor from thousands of years ago and trying to make it work as science—and it doesn’t work.”
Not content to stop with revamping medical curricula, Frist also suggested that school cafeterias could save money by not ordering adequate supplies of food for all students and feeding them on the faith-based “loaves and fishes” program. Under this program, a small amount of food is ordered and officials have faith that it will be enough to feed everybody.
“It must work,” Frist said. “In places where it’s been tried, nobody has starved yet.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)