There's a John Cheever story where a middle-aged man tries to swim home by hopping from pool to pool in his ritzy suburb. For his trouble, he receives grim intimations of encroaching mortality. See, that's what happens when you exercise. Me, I'll just eat my way across Nashville in one brisk 18-hour munchdown, and risk no comeuppance (metaphysical or otherwise) that can't be fixed with Tums.
Ahhh, breakfast, the most important meal of the day — or as I like to call it, Round One. Today, we dine in Sparta ... or the nearest approximate thing to the ancient Greeks running a Waffle House, which would be Athens Family Restaurant in Melrose. Boasting one of the broadest and most curious breakfast menus in town — will that be crabcake and eggs, or a plate of gyro meat? — Athens is perhaps best-known to drunks, cops and peckish night owls for staying open weekends in a 72-hour marathon; the rest of America knows it for its close encounter with Guy Fieri. To me, it's known for the Veggie Skillet, a heap of sautéed peppers, tomatoes and onion atop cubed home fries, topped with two sunny-side-up eggs. Had Homer himself sung its praises — well, that would be OK, I guess, but your food would've arrived cold.
What, it's lunchtime already? (No, it's 10 a.m., but work with me, people.) What better time to consume the day's obligatory helping of nutrients at The Turnip Truck Urban Fare in The Gulch, where Chef Laura Wilson turns stuff like kale, tofu and tempeh into actual food. At the Scene's de facto commissary, the steam table (depending on the day) also beckons with dishes such as creamy shrimp and grits, chicken roasted with dates and a pepper steak that somehow gets better by the bite. And yet we keep returning to the vegetarian side — the one with nutty roasted brussels sprouts, sesame green beans and braised cauliflower the consistency of butter.
As the sun's waning rays cast shadows across my empty plate, I'm thinking Thai. That means either a leisurely meal of sweet-hot khao kai ra-bert (finely minced pork seasoned with black pepper and garlic, topped by our third fried egg of the day) at The Smiling Elephant on Eighth Avenue South; skewers of juicy grilled chicken with rich peanut sauce at Satay Thai Grill on Elliston; or the amazing yum phet yang at Ginger Thai off Thompson Lane, with its spicy shreds of crispy duck in a fragrant setting of lemongrass, cilantro, basil and kaffir lime leaves. Or head out to Thai Taste on Haywood Lane, which has been serving some of the city's best som tum, or spicy papaya salad, for 12 years in its unassuming concrete-bunker storefront.
Busy day, huh? Better take the edge off on the way home at the "International Famous" Twin Kegs, the Thompson Lane dive bar that dishes out one of the city's heftiest burgers (and catfish on Fridays) along with reliably cheap suds. Nobody here will care if you smell like the Whole Foods dumpster by this point. Besides, you need your rest. You've got six more days to eat.
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