Carl Jessen, the Murfreesboro business executive who persuaded that city a few years ago to provide drive-through drop-offs for unwanted dogs, cats and prom babies, says he’s starting a new airline to fly Middle Tennesseans beyond the reach of extradition.
“We’re going to call it Exile Air, and we see this as serving a growing market around the Nashville area,” Jessen says. “Every day there are teachers who want to run away with their students, business executives who want to take a long vacation rather than face auditors, state troopers and others in state government who seem to think there’s a good reason to get away.
“Our business model is based on the idea that these people will pay premium prices for quick, discreet travel.”
Exile Air will initially offer three flights a week, two to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and one to Bangkok, Thailand. “These are really long flights,” Jessen notes, “but, as the recent activity with the March family shows, Mexico just isn’t the long-term getaway it once was. We’ll stagger our departure dates and times to make it more difficult for authorities to interfere with our customers’ flight plans.”
Exile Air will take over the two gates at Nashville International Airport that Independence Air relinquished when the carrier halted service two weeks ago.
“We knew the gates were available, and the news every day tells us the market is here,” Jessen says. “This just came together beautifully.”
In an age when fear of terrorism and close scrutiny of airline passengers is required, is there a place for Exile Air?
“Look, we’re not interested in flying around guys who are going to blow up buildings,” Jessen says defensively. “We just want to provide a service to routine thieves, lying politicians, corrupt lobbyists and teachers who want to run away with underage students. We aren’t interested in anybody who is out to undermine our American way of life.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)